


Light & Music

by melianthegreat



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-17 06:15:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4655736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melianthegreat/pseuds/melianthegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking place between 2008-2010, this is the story of Richard and his assistant Molly. Running from her past, American Molly Sullivan comes to work for the BBC. But as her relationship with Richard starts to grow, will her past come back to haunt her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post chapters on this story every few weeks as possible. The story is complete on paper, I just have to convert it.

CHAPTER 1

Molly made a final check of herself in the ladies room, resisted the urge to throw up, and took her seat in the reception area. She had to remind herself she already had the job—this was simply a meeting to inform herself exactly what her duties in this job would be. She wasn’t quite at the beck and call of the BBC, but Molly knew she was under their umbrella, so to speak. What she was hired for would be a bit more involved. Still there was no reason to sit here and be nervous. 

A giant, imposing figure of a man with curly hair, dressed in a standard white shirt and black pants walked in and stood before her, extending his hand. “You must be Molly,” he smiled. “I’m Jeremy Clarkson.” Molly had to crane her head up to look at him, but that was nothing new; being five feet tall, she had to crane her head up to just about everyone. “I’ll show you about the Top Gear office and we’ll have a chat.” Following him down a narrow hallway, Molly received what Jeremy liked to call ‘the sixpence tour’ where they popped into all the offices, made a quick introduction, and then worked their way down to Clarkson’s cramped office. The room was small, his desk piled with paperwork, the walls with photos of cars set haphazardly. Molly quietly wondered how someone his size could work in an office the size of a broom closet every day and not develop claustrophobia. 

Jeremy grabbed a cup of coffee. “You know Andy Wilman, the director, who is technically everybody’s boss around here, was very impressed with you yesterday,” he said as he settled into his chair. “He never hires around here without having me make the final interview and signing off on it. So for him to hire you outright says something big to me. Did he give you an outline of what you’d do?”

“A general description,” Molly answered, and she noted the flash in Jeremy’s eyes upon hearing the American accent. “he said I would be the Personal Assistant to one of the presenters.” 

Jeremy nodded. “Yes. Being a PA involves much more than being a glorified secretary. You’ll be doing some of that as well, Mostly, you’ll be handling personal correspondence, scheduling, appointments, and even some personal errands. You don’t mind occasionally fetching food and dry cleaning, do you?”

Molly shook her head. “I’ve had to do that before,” she answered simply. “Comes with the territory.” 

“The hours may be pretty odd and long,” Jeremy continued. “But you won’t always be here. When we’re in the field you might be on location, but you might also just work from home or even be off.” He paused and to Molly it looked like he was measuring his words a moment. “There are some things we should discuss,” he said and casually gestured to her. “You are dressed very professionally in that suit. Maroon seems to be a good color for you.” 

“Thank you,” she replied, unsure of where this was going. 

He chuckled sheepishly. “The issue here is, as nicely as you’re dressed, is that we’re a fairly casual shop. And the rules don’t allow us to hire PA’s on the BBC payroll. So, you’ll just need to dress a bit more casually to blend in, and if one of the people from upstairs come poking about, you will be referred to as simply an Assistant, not a Personal Assistant. Is that acceptable?”

“It is.”

“The next issue involves the media,” he continued. “In America I’m sure you’re aware of the paparazzi and gossip reporters. The funny thing is, even with the First Amendment, your vultures in America for the most part are more constrained than the vultures here. Here, they will do whatever they can to invent a new scandal, they will use any source they can to churn up information, and they will even make things up at times to see if something sticks. Now, the three of us don’t live the lives of monks, but discretion in your job is essential, because our families don’t want to see our names in The Sun or News of the World.” 

“Quite understood,” Molly replied evenly. “We had discussions about this issue during my interview. I don’t think it needs to be said how protective your boss is of his on-camera talent.” This reaction elicited a slight grin on Jeremy’s behalf. 

“You have no idea,” he answered. “Let’s just say I have a big mouth and if not for Andy, Top Gear could have been taken off the air a couple of times.” He paused. “Well, I guess that is pretty much it. Except this is a sticky point—we have not informed who you’ll be assisting that we have hired an assistant. And, honestly, I don’t know how he is going to react.”

“So…he did not ask for this?”

“No. And he may take this as a personal slight. We don’t mean it that way, and I don’t think he will be inappropriate with you over it. But I wanted to let you know this may not be a smooth beginning. He can be resistant and even a bit obstinate. But if you prove yourself, I think he will begin to see reason. And it is for the benefit of his wife, who has been assisting him, that we made the decision to hire someone. In fact, she spied on your interview and she’s already signed off on you. So…is there anything I’ve said that is daunting you? Any second thoughts about accepting?”

Molly smiled. “No,” she answered. “I’m looking forward to starting.” 

Jeremy broke into a big smile. “Very good,” he answered. “And hopefully this is as formal as we’ll have to get around here.” He stood up and held out his hand again. “Welcome to Top Gear.” 

***

Richard Hammond’s large brown eyes narrowed. “What the hell did you do?”

“Calm down, Hamster,” Jeremy answered quietly. “We simply hired a PA.” 

“You hired me a damn minder,” Richard growled through gritted teeth, trying to keep his voice low. “Look, I know since the accident things have been a bit different, but I hardly need a nursemaid.” 

“Good thing, because I don’t think she is a trained nurse,” Jeremy quipped. “And she’s been hired because your schedule is insane. It was getting that way before the accident. You present other programs. You write. You do charity work. That doesn’t even count what you’re doing on this program. You need help, and Mindy needs the help.”

At the mention of his wife, a hurt look came to Richard’s face. “Mindy?”

“Richard, she’s overwhelmed, even you cannot argue that. She’s had to take on so much, and having her work as your assistant as well almost isn’t fair. Anything we can do to take some of the burden off would be good.” 

Richard sank down into the chair, covering his eyes with his hands. Since the injury to his brain, he sometimes had a hard time controlling his emotions. The guilt he was feeling at the moment towards Mindy and the accident and everything else leading to this moment had him on the verge of tears, and he didn’t want Jeremy to see that. “After I came home from hospital,” he said softly, “you made a deal with me. If my brain injury wouldn’t let me come back to do my job the way I could before the accident, I wasn’t going to come back. I didn’t want to waste everyone’s time. Bringing in an assistant…it just makes me wonder if I'm being told I can’t do this."

Jeremy knew right now what he needed to do what speak to Richard as his friend, not in a professional way. “Hammond, the fact you are walking around God’s Green Earth forming words is extraordinary,” he replied. “You coming back to work able to pick up where you left off is nothing short of a miracle. And it’s been nearly two years since. But we’ve all been aware there were going to be some adaptations we’d have to make because nobody knows if your brain will ever completely heal. Having a PA is simply an adaptation. And it allows Mindy to go back to being your wife.” He reached over and grabbed Richard’s shoulder affectionately. “If it’s any consolation to you,” he added, “she’s American.” 

Richard looked up. “American?”

Jeremy grinned. “Yeah, Well, we all figured since you’re a closet American, it was the least we could do. Maybe you can act as her interpreter.” 

Moments later, Richard and Jeremy walked out of Jeremy’s office to Molly, sitting just outside and looking a bit nervous. She glanced up at them, her blue-gray eyes falling fully on Richard. He noticed her short black hair and nearly porcelain skin and somewhere in his brain he heard the introduction to the Cure’s ‘Pictures of You’ and thought of how it somehow fitted her. “Richard, this is Molly,” he barely heard Jeremy say. 

Molly stood up and smiled, offering her hand to Richard. “Molly Sullivan,” she introduced herself, her voice showing a gentle Southern accent. 

“I guess we need to go to my office and get started,” Richard said formally. Before Molly could even agree Richard marched down the hall in the opposite direction. It was all Molly could do to keep up with him. Almost as soon as she crossed the threshold Richard closed the door, then stood and faced her with his desk between them. “Right,” he announced. “I need to get a few things straight with you. First, and this has nothing to do with you as a person, this was not my choice. I don’t feel that I need a PA. I have been able to function without one, and nothing’s really changed. But apparently everyone else seems to think otherwise, so I’m stuck with you. Second, I’m not going to make your life miserable around here, because I don’t relish having lawsuits filed against me for a hostile work environment. But understand this: our relationship will strictly be employer-employee. We will be associates and not friends. You just do your job to my satisfaction and there will be no problem. Any questions?”

“None,” Molly answered coldly. “But at the risk of getting fired instantly, I think I need to clear up a couple of things. For one, I left America to start a new life in London, and this was the job I got in order to stay. So I guess we’re stuck with each other. For another, if you look at my resume, you’ll see I have experience as a PA. In fact at my last job the boss was a genuine asshole who apparently never showed an ounce of human kindness toward anyone, and was proud of it. Yet he gave your Executive Producer a glowing review of my services. So you make it possible for me to do my job, and I’ll make sure I’ll do it to your satisfaction. Okay? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to set up my desk out here.” She walked out of Richard’s office, firmly shutting the door behind her.


	2. Light & Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly makes a friend in James

CHAPTER 2

The next few months were difficult. Molly proved to be a capable PA for Richard, and for all of her hard work and late nights, Richard’s workload managed to lessen. But he remained cold and distant toward her, and didn’t seem to appreciate everything she was doing for him professionally. The times Molly found acceptable were when she was able to work from home—at least there she didn’t have to deal with Richard’s obstinance, only to come home to a cold flat. The weather was cold and rainy, and Molly began to become homesick. During that time, the thought crossed Molly’s mind to simply give up and return to the United States. 

Molly Sullivan’s savior during those first months turned out to be James May. One day he noticed Molly seemed to be a little down and invited her to lunch. Over fish and chips he asked her about home and what she missed living in England. Just from having a warm sympathetic ear, and friendship developed between Molly and James to the point where he could tell if Richard was being particularly difficult that day, simply by the way Molly would say hello.

James got to witness a moment where Richard decided to act a prat, as James liked to put it. He had asked Molly to compose an email for him, and Richard took it upon himself to review the contents. Leaning over Molly’s shoulder, James said, “I’m really impressed that you’ve learned Richard’s writing pattern. This sounds in my own head like something He’d composed.”

The door to Richard’s office suddenly opened, and Richard looked irritated. “Molly, how many times have I asked you to use the Spell Check when writing my correspondence?” he demanded. 

James stared hard at Molly’s computer screen. “I don’t see any problems,” he argued. 

“She used Americanized spelling!” Richard shot back. “She knows there are certain words where the spelling is different depending on if you’re English or American. If it’s my correspondence, the spelling should be English.” 

“I turn the Spell Check off when I’m composing the body,” Molly explained to Richard quietly. “Otherwise the Spell Check attempts to insert words you didn’t intend to write. I turn the Spell Check back on after finishing and then the program corrects the spelling.”

“Oh Hammond, really!” James chuckled. “You have always been maybe the worst speller I’ve ever met. You need Spell Check to spell ‘cat’.” This elicited a snicker from Molly. “What are you banging on about her spelling?”

“When Molly is writing for me, it needs to be English,” Richard stated coldly. Otherwise it makes me look like an idiot.”

“And God knows you need help in making yourself look that way!” James snapped. Molly had been around Jeremy, James and Richard long enough to know when they were teasing each other. This was not a tease.  
Richard glared at James a moment then turned back to Molly. “Fix it, now,” he demanded. Molly turned on the Spell Check, which corrected the spelling. “Thank you,” he added sarcastically and turned to go back into his office. Under his breath he muttered, “Why did I get stuck with an American, and one from the South on top of it?”

James caught the flash in Molly’s eyes, knowing she heard what Richard said. This wounded Molly, and James expected to see tears well in her eyes. But it didn’t happen. What he saw was resignation, which he considered worse; she’d heard this remark before in her life, and more than once. He felt this was a good time to remove Molly from that situation and he started toward her, but she waved him off. “I’m okay,” she answered softly, standing up. “And yes, I know I’m American, which makes me some kind of savage to this civilized culture. And I’m from the South, which pretty much puts me at the bottom to everyone else on the planet. But you know what? At least I don’t have to use Spell Check to spell ‘cat’.” Molly grabbed her things and headed toward the elevator. 

James made sure Molly was out of range, then stuck his head into Richard’s doorway. “Hammond, I’m taking Molly to lunch,” he announced. “And when I get back I’m going to have a long talk with you about what a colossal prick you are.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James explains some things to Molly about Richard, Molly explains some things about herself to James, and Richard comes to an understanding, period.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient. I'm trying to post multiple chapters as I can.

James felt it necessary over lunch to explain to Molly why be believed Richard had been so distant. “You have to know,” he said, “that I don’t think you’re the problem. It’s what you represent to him. Did you know he had a very serious accident a couple of years ago? 

“I’ve heard a few whispers,” she answered. “Nobody seems to mention it.” 

“That’s because we’re not supposed to,” he replied. James sighed. “It happened filming a segment of the show. He was driving a rocket car when a front tire blew at 288 mph.” Molly gasped. “The car spun off the track and it flipped…and it landed head-down. He was in a coma for two weeks.” 

Molly’s white face went whiter than it was naturally. “But how…” she stammered. 

“How is he walking around and somewhat normal?” James finished her question. “That depends on your spiritual and/or religious beliefs. But honestly, during those two weeks nobody knew what we were going to get. Even now he can still be considered a work in progress.” Molly nodded—she’d read articles about Traumatic Brain Injury and how the effects may take years to sort out. “So where you fit in all this,” James continued, “is that Richard wants to make his life as much as it can be before the accident as possible. He’s managed to do that, but needing you to help him keep track of certain things bothers him, because he didn’t need it before. It reminds him of what happened, which is why we’re banned from talking about it around the office. So I don’t think he’s behaving like an idiot because he doesn’t like you. I think you scare him.” 

“But if that’s true,” Molly replied, “how can I continue? I’m doing my job and I’m a constant reminder. And then I open myself up to more of what happened today.” 

“I thought you told me once your last job was with someone who behaved worse?”

Molly looked at James sadly. “He was worse,” she replied. “And the only reason I was able to handle it was by my being used to it.” From there, Molly told James about having been in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend who hit her and constantly made fun of her being Southern. She had finally drawn up the courage to leave, got therapy for the abuse, and had even started dating someone who treated her well. But her boyfriend showed up, beat up the new boyfriend within an inch of his life, and ended up in prison. “After awhile I realized with my boss I was beginning to just take things like I did with my ex,” Molly said. “Being told because of my accent I must be stupid. I’m worthless. Granted he did that with everyone, but I started questioning why I went through therapy and all that, testified against my ex in court and helped put him in prison, only to end up in the same place. That’s how I ended up in London.” She grinned sadly. “I can put up with a lot, James. But with all this…it’s hard for me not to simply bolt.”

“Well, I tell you what,” James replied. “I suggest you take the weekend off. Go home, have some tea, a hot bath. Sleep. Sleep will make you feel better. In the meantime I will straighten it all out with Mr. Hammond, promise.”

***

That is exactly what Molly did. Within a couple of hours, she’d had a cup of tea at her flat, a hot shower, and had dressed in fleece, wrapped herself in a quilt, and had fallen asleep on the couch. It was nearly dark by the time she awoke, but she actually felt worse instead of better. She wrapped the quilt tighter around her and started to settle back to sleep when she heard a soft knock at the door. Molly stared through the peephole and swore under her breath. What is he doing here? She wondered. She considered not bothering to open the door, then found herself opening the door anyway.

Richard stood in the doorway, flowers in hand. “May I come in, please?” he asked gently. Molly stood aside and silently let him enter. Shutting the door she turned to find a surprising sight—Richard looking remorseful and a bit nervous. “It turns out I’ve had a very enlightening afternoon,” he said. “After you left, my wife Mindy happened to call. And it turns out she was the one who insisted you be hired as my PA. When I told her what I said today and how James reacted, Mindy made it clear I was to apologize, and if necessary to grovel and beg you to stay. Then about 20 minutes later, James returned, informed me that he sent you home the rest of the day, and proceeded to lecture me on my behavior and if I knew what a genuinely wonderful, intelligent, brave person you really are. I’d come to understand what an enormous prick I’ve been to you the last few months. So that is what I’m doing here. I’m sorry, and I would really like to start over.”

What Molly didn’t know at that moment was that James had told Richard everything he knew about her, including her survival of abuse and how Richard’s treatment of her would end up pushing her away. And that Mindy knew Richard was scared to death of needing an assistant for even basic things due to short-term memory loss, and that she knew Molly would be able to do this without humiliating him, if he could allow her to do it. And that these revelations had taken Richard back to that first moment when he saw her, when he heard the music in his head. Somehow he hoped by starting over maybe the music would come back to him. Something was wrong now, though; in the dim light of the lamp, her skin should not look so pale, or her eyes bright. “Are you sick, Molly?” 

“It’s nothing,” Molly answered. “I’m just tired.” 

Richard frowned. “Your color is off,” he replied. He placed the back of his hand against her forehead and quickly drew it away. “You’re running a fever.”

“It happens,” she half-grinned. “If I get overtired or overstressed I run a fever. I guess in Top Gear parlance, my engine is overworked and running hot.” 

Richard nodded, not happy. “Yes, and when that happens the engine should be rested and cooled down or it might explode. Come on.” He sat Molly on the couch, helped her get settled and tucked the quilt around her. “You should have some soup,” he offered. “Do you have any?”

“I do,” Molly nodded, “but I’m not hungry.”

“Oh, now remember what our grandparents like to say,” he responded as he headed for the kitchen. “You’re supposed to starve a cold, feed a fever. Or something like that.” But when he returned a few minutes later with a mug of broth, Molly had fallen quite asleep. Richard watched her, her face relaxed and peaceful, and wondered how much he’d contributed to the stress, and vowed to himself things would change.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Molly start over, and an off-hand remark has Richard wondering a few things

When Molly awoke the sun was up and she was alone. The untouched cup of broth was sitting on the table, and Richard had apparently put a cool cloth to her forehead, which was now dry. The simple gesture made Molly sit and question how much she had actually misjudged him. 

Monday came around and as Molly left the Tube station to the office she secretly wondered if things would be back to normal. She wondered if Friday evening had simply been a fever dream. She wondered if there would be tension between Richard and James. None of which would be answered right away because everyone was in a staff meeting. It was time to film the special to air at the end of the year, and this year would involve a trip across Bolivia. Jeremy, James, and Richard would be gone for the better part of a month—at least 10 days for filming, plus prep work and additional shots, and a few extra days for recovery in case potential healing had to be done. The idea made Molly feel a little sad: she wasn’t going to Bolivia, and while there had been shoots where any one or all had been away for a few days, this would be longest she would be away from anyone she knew since she left the US for England. 

After three hours of logistics, Molly finally got back to her desk. She rubbed her eyes and tried to turn off her brain. “The first time you got to those meetings, you find your brain too full,” she heard Richard quip next to her. Molly opened her eyes and realized for the first time since she’d been hired that he actually had a true grin on his face as he was addressing her. “Hi,” he said. “We didn’t have the chance to talk since Friday. I was wondering if your fever went away?”

“Gone the next morning, thank you,” Molly answered. “Like I said, it happens.” 

“You were very much out of it the other night. You didn’t even stir when I placed the cloth on your forehead and let myself out.” His expression turned very serious. “I hate thinking of contributing to stress-related illnesses, and I’ve shown you no kindness at all since you were hired. So, if you’re willing to stay, I’d like to start over.” There was a pause that to Richard felt like forever. He knew Molly could easily say no and resign immediately. He knew he could have waited until too late to repair the damage. And then it would hurt Mindy and James and even Jeremy, who stuck out their necks for him so far it wasn’t even funny what could befall them. 

Molly’s answer came in a gesture. “Molly Sullivan,” she introduced herself, offering a handshake. “Hi.”

Richard took her hand. “Hi, Molly. I’m Richard Hammond,” he answered back. “You can call me Rich if you like, since we’re working together.” They both chuckled and upon seeing her smile, Richard heard those same ringing notes he’d heard before in his mind. “Well, there are a lot of things we have to do this week before I get on the plane. You and I better plan for in-house lunches. And please ring up James and Jeremy to see if they’d like lunch, too.”

***

Indeed, the entire week ran that way. Richard was in meetings with the production staff in the mornings (though Molly was granted a reprieve from attending them). After the meetings, Richard and Molly would meet together and any needs arising from the morning meetings would be addressed. Richard would also use this time to check in with Molly, making sure he was not overwhelming her. After lunch Molly would leave the office to take care of Richard’s requests, returning to the office in the late afternoon. Then Molly would take care of any correspondence and returning of calls. The office hours were running well past dinnertime, so Richard and Molly would catch a quick meal afterwards. During these dinners, Richard would satisfy his curiosity on all things America through Molly, and in the process he got to know her. As James predicted, he found her intelligent, sweet, brave, and had a laugh that ran from light giggle to a full-scale braying roar over silly humor and jokes. One night James and Jeremy joined them, and when the men had reconvened at the pub later, decided if Molly had been with them in 2002 until now, she could’ve become a fourth Musketeer.

On Friday at lunchtime, Molly was checking over the list of what Richard needed to have before flying out on Monday when the phone rang. “Hi Molly, it’s Mindy Hammond. Has it been a rough week?”

“A very busy week,” Molly answered. It’s like the entire Top Gear unit is deploying for Iwo Jima.” 

Mindy giggled. “Oh yes, I’ve been there during the weeks before special filming. The reason I’m calling is that Richard was telling me how hard you’ve been working, and that you know almost nobody outside of work, and that they’re going to be gone and you’ll be home. So Richard and I were wondering if you’d like to come spend the weekend here? I know it’s short notice, but he could swing you by your flat, you could grab a couple of things, then we could bring you back Monday on the way to Heathrow.”

“That’s a very nice offer, Molly answered. “But without getting too personal, since Richard’s going to be gone, I’d think you’d want to have just time with the family.”

“But Molly, you’ve become a part of the family, in a way,” Mindy replied. “I haven’t seen you since you were hired, and Rich said he thinks a few days in the country would be good for you. Please, Molly?"

Molly smiled. “I can’t say no to that,” she answered. “I will come.”

So it was after work instead of leaving the BBC building for the Tube station, Molly followed Richard to the parking lot. “What chariot did you bring today?” Molly asked. She knew at least once a week he liked to show off one of the other cars in his collection.

“Today I thought we’d travel in style,” Richard beamed. 

Molly started laughing. “Oh my God, it’s your thousand-year-old Land Rover!”

“Don’t mock,” he scolded playfully. It’s sturdy. And it’s not a thousand years old. You’ve been hanging out with Jezza too much.” He rolled his eyes. “Honest to God, I’m not sure if he or James has been a worse influence on you. Get in.”

The trip back to Molly’s place took less than half an hour, then they were leaving London heading for the countryside of Wales. As the miles melted away, making London smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, Molly noticed Richard looked more and more relaxed. The lines smoothed from his face—though at his age he didn’t have many lines anyway. “It appears getting away from London agrees with you,” she told him.

“Oh yeah,” Richard answered. “I really don’t like big cities much. They’re overwhelming to me. All those people on top of each other, all the noise, the big buildings. Nice to visit, but not to live in. I’m from Birmingham, which is country living. My tastes are pretty simple, which is why James and Jeremy tease me about it. But you and I are both that way, which is why I thought a few days away might be good for you.”

“It’s a good thought,” Molly replied. “But you could have asked me at work, instead of making Mindy do it.”

“Think about that a second, on the surface,” Richard argued. “’Molly, I’ve treated you like shit for months and I apologize. By the way, how’d you like to drive with me to Wales and spend the weekend having a good time?’ That might have led to a sexual harassment lawsuit, or your attempting to shove a shoe up my arse sideways.” 

“I have to admit, I probably would have refused.”

“Not to mention what if someone heard a married man ask his pretty assistant to spend a weekend in the country and misinterpreted,” Richard added. Molly, who had been staring out the passenger window at the countryside, suddenly whipped her head around at the comment. Had Richard just called her pretty? Did he really just say that out loud? The look on his face—horrified shock—told her that he in fact had said it. And he regretted saying it out loud. 

The conversation came to a halt and there followed an uncomfortable silence of several minutes. Richard concentrated on driving. Silently he was kicking himself. He knew the rules for married men—it’s okay to notice a woman, but you don’t say it out loud. And if you’re sober you certainly don’t tell the woman, because if either she or the wife find out you can’t blame it on being drunk. James could say it and in fact had said it more than once to him, and Jeremy. But it was okay for James to say it—he was safe for various reasons. 

The problem was Richard had started questioning if his finding of Molly’s looks was merely physical, or if there was more than mere attraction.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly spends the weekend in Wales, Richard has a dream, and Molly receives disturbing news from her past.

Molly couldn’t help but wake up early, even though sleeping in is one of the perks of being on an extended holiday. She tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but it just wasn’t going to happen. 

Two weeks. Two weeks to go. 

The weekend in Wales with the Hammonds had been a needed recharge to her batteries, and she hadn’t realized how badly she’d needed that until returning to London. She’d been around happy, relaxed adults and kids. She’d breathed clean country air. And she wasn’t the only one invited for the weekend—the Clarksons showed up Saturday afternoon, and James brought himself. The rule in place for the weekend was to not have any work talk. There had been plenty of food and drink, and Molly had been peppered with questions. According to Mindy, the guys had an adventure driving from Miami to New Orleans that had come close to a sequel of ‘Deliverance’ over painted cars. Molly felt the need to point out not all Southerners acted that way, that indeed most Southerners would have been embarrassed by what happened, and probably would’ve smacked some idiots upside the head for behaving that way. The verdict after a few more drinks among the group collective was that if most in the South were half as gracious in the face of their remarkably stupid questions as Molly, they would have to keep an open mind. 

The rejuvenation had been noticed by James first, who’d pointed it out to the others. “I’m probably drunk,” he’d announced. “But there’s something different about Molly in a place like this. A different energy.”

“That’s because she’s a country girl,” Richard had answered. “She’s just like me.” And it had taken several minutes to figure out why everyone had laughed so hard at what he said. 

Lying in bed, Molly was feeding off the memories of the music and fun from two weeks ago. And there was one thing her memory turned back to the most. A simple moment, when James had made his pronouncement that the country air had made Molly different, Molly had started to turn toward the kitchen counter to refill her drink. As she turned she locked eyes with Richard. It could only have been a microsecond where their glance fell on each other, but in that microsecond he had actually managed to look into her. And she felt something on his end, but she wasn’t sure what it was—it wasn’t lust, but it was certainly quite primal. 

It was a memory she was going to cherish. Because he had actually seen _her_ and she knew it may never happen again. 

***

The music in his head had been deafening. Ringing, resounding, echoing, buoyant. He was in ecstasy, because the music _was_ her. Floating in white, black hair, blue-gray eyes, skin as white and flawless as porcelain. She had danced around him in her own celebration, then placed her hand on his cheek affectionately. He tried to take her hand into his, but she moved just out of reach. He followed and she kept moving away from him. She finally came to the edge and he wrapped her in his arms. He wanted to breathe in her perfume, become intoxicated in the love and desire she emanated. “Can I ask you a question?” she asked, her voice breathy and purring. 

“Anything, as long as I get to hold you,” he answered, his voice thick and heavy with arousal. 

There was a pause. “Where are you right now?”

“With you.” 

“No…where are you right now?”

It was too late. The bright sky had turned to night. The radio screeched to life with James’ voice screaming _Richard!_ The crosses blazed as the headlights illuminated them. And then he was flying off the Campioni del Muerti and plunging down into the darkness. He screamed. 

Richard’s screaming woke him up in the hotel in La Paz. He had already survived the Road of the Dead. He had managed it last night in his Land Cruiser with James in his Suzuki. James had a bad alternator and had to drive the road with flashlights. Richard’s brakes were suspect. The drive had been terrifying. By the time they made it to La Paz and parked at the hotel, Richard had burst into tears with the release of stress. James had sat behind the wheel and trembled for five minutes. It had taken several drinks at the bar to calm them. 

Richard’s heart was hammering in his chest and he tried to catch his breath, hard to do in a location at such high altitude. He lay down and wrapped a pillow in his arms. Last night’s drive had been one of the worst experiences he could remember, but he and James had made it. They had no choice but to drive the road at night and Richard knew he had no choice but to stay with James because of his alternator. It did cross his mind more than once, though, there was a possibility he could never see Mindy and his children again. And it would be followed with the wish that Molly was with him. Richard wondered about this. Of course there had been times on different trips he’d wished Mindy could’ve been there to see something or share the experience with him. But the longing for Molly would come upon him the form of dreams filled with music and light. When he’d awaken his want of her would be palpable, only to calm down. But he’d catch himself wondering what Molly was doing—whether shopping or reading a book or taking a nap. And then he’d wonder why he cared. Especially out in the middle of Bolivia. 

He got up. Today would start the next phase of the journey, beginning the drive over the Andes. As dangerous as parts of the journey had been so far, this next phase could be much worse. Altitude Sickness was a distinct possibility. 

And yet he wished Molly was with him. 

***

The last week of the office holiday arrived with Molly getting a phone call. “Hi, Molly, it’s Andy Wilman.” 

“Oh! Hello,” she responded. “I thought you were still in South America.” 

“I got back a couple of days ago,” he answered. “Lots of footage to start looking through between now and the airdate. The reason I’m calling is…are you in London?”

“I am.” 

“I need you to come to the office,” he said. “Something has happened that I should tell you personally.” 

“I’ll be there in an hour,” she answered and hung up. This news wasn’t going to be good. 

An hour later Molly was walking into the BBC building. Andy was waiting for her. Ushering her to a chair, he said, “Do you remember when you were hired you signed a form that allowed us to be contacted by authorities over your situation?”

“Yes,” Molly nodded. “What’s wrong?”

Andy sighed. “I’m afraid we’ve been contacted,” he answered. “And because we were all gone on holiday we’re just now hearing about it. Molly, your former boyfriend was released from prison in America two weeks ago, and there is reason to believe he knows you’re here in London.”

“Released?” she replied in shock. “But he was sentenced to ten years for how he hurt the guy I’d dated.”

“The case was overturned on appeal,” Andy told her. “Had we known of this we would have told you two weeks ago. Molly, I’m sorry it’s coming so late to you.”

Molly felt a chill run through her. “What do I do?” she asked. “He has a head start on finding me.”

“Do you think he really would come after you, since you’re across the pond now?”

She thought a moment. “I honestly don’t know,” she finally answered. 

“In that case,” Andy replied. “We’ll have to act as if he could, unless we find out otherwise. You’ve come to matter so much to many of us, and I didn’t really understand that until we were standing in the Bolivian rainforest during a downpour.” Molly looked puzzled. “Jeremy looked up at the rain and said, ‘If Molly Sullivan were here she’d call this a typical Tuesday in Georgia in July.’” Molly grinned, though her heart couldn’t find much humor. “The point is, Molly, you have people here willing to do what they must to help protect you. Try not to worry.” 

“Thank you,” Molly whispered and left the office. She already knew not worrying was easier said than done.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months pass, Richard and Molly grow closer, until a confrontation appears to have put them back at the beginning.

“Penny for your thoughts,” James said to Molly over dinner at his home. 

Molly grinned. “I was just thinking that I might be a little jealous. It sounds like you guys had a blast in South America.” 

James took a sip of his wine. “Not all of it,” he conceded. “Nearly having your brains turned to scrambled egg in the Andes wouldn’t really be considered fun. We were truly in danger then. We were ordered down because the crew found out the searing headaches we had was our brains’ warning they weren’t getting enough oxygen to live. And don’t get me started about Campioni Del Muerti.” Molly noticed a shiver escape from James. “That is probably the last road on the planet you should drive if you have a fear of heights.” 

“All the same, I wish I could have been there,” Molly sighed. 

“Oh Molly…” James sighed and held her hand. “Please tell me you didn’t keep yourself shut up in your flat the entire time.” 

Molly shook her head and smiled. “Hardly. Believe it or not I do things like shopping and buying clothes when not working.” Then her expression fell. “Of course, had I known what I know now, I might have easily stayed cooped up.” 

“And that would have been a shame,” James told her. “If your ex is simply wanting to scare you, that would play to his desires. Don’t give him that.” James stood up, grabbed the empty plates, and headed for the kitchen. 

“Oh, please let me help,” Molly said, following with glasses. 

“Hey, you’re supposed to be a guest,” James argued. “Guests don’t have to work in my house.” 

“I’m not really a guest,” she argued back. “I’m more of a….refugee….”

“Not to me,” he answered softly, taking her hands. “Even if Andy had not suggested you spending weekends away, to not be alone for days at a time, I would have asked you anyway. You’re my friend. And considering I’m between relationships right now, I could do with the companionship.” 

“As long as I’m not getting in the way,” Molly said to him. “And if there’s an evening I’m supposed to be here and you have a chance to—uh—entertain, just let me know and I’ll clear out.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “But I don’t think that will happen much. Never mind me, though, I always get a bit maudlin right after a breakup.” 

“If it’s any consolation,” Molly said, “at least you don’t have an ex potentially trying to hunt you down and hurt you.”

James cupped her face in his large hands. “Here’s hoping that word ‘potentially’ remains the case,” he whispered. 

James got a phone call a moment later, so while he was on the phone, Molly took the opportunity to clean up the kitchen. When he came back he looked rather sad. “Something wrong?” Molly asked.

James shook his head. “That was my ex,” he answered, “just making sure I got back in one piece.” He chuckled slightly and sighed. “Apparently I’m not good enough to be with, but it’s okay to make sure I had a nice trip.” 

“I know,” Molly nodded. “You just want them to say that if you’re not good enough, you’re not good enough, period.” Molly sat down on the couch. “You know, after the ex beat up the guy I’d been seeing, I tried a couple more times while my ex was awaiting trial. Naturally the guy who got beat up didn’t want to be with me anymore, and I can’t blame him for that. But I did think I’d found someone else. And then one day he pulled the old ‘it’s not you it’s me’ routine and that was it. But he’s the one who kept calling me to make sure I was okay. So I do know the frustration you’re feeling right now.” 

“What about since you’ve been here?” James asked. “Have you had anyone who was interested in you?”

Molly shook her head. “Not one,” she answered. “But I do have a few strikes against me. I work long, odd hours, which means I’m usually home to sleep and little else. The company I keep is a bit questionable…” she pointed to James.

“Hey, thanks for that!” he replied in mock indignation. 

“You’re welcome,” Molly smiled. “But think about it. I’m surrounded by guys who are otherwise unavailable. And then of course there’s the new elephant in the room.” 

“And anyone using that as an excuse to not be with you is a fool,” James argued, sitting next to her on the couch. “Especially if they’d met the Molly who was at the party last month. It was the talk during our downtime in South America. I mean, you even surprised me, and you and I are friends. Molly, have you no idea of what a dynamic, special woman you are?”

“Well, the same can be said about you, Mr. May,” she answered. “You are sweet and kind. You’re a genius. You love to play piano. Who would not want that in a guy?”

James smiled at Molly, and she knew he was questioning that himself. “I guess the better question would be to ask if we’re such great people, why are we sitting here together?”

Molly’s response was to reach over and kiss his cheek. “Because we’re friends,” she told him. 

***

This arrangement went on for months. During the week Molly would be brought home after work—usually by Richard—and there would be a quick check of her flat to make sure nobody was hiding inside. Then sometimes Richard and Molly would sit and chat awhile before Richard would head for home. Some nights Molly would prepare a light supper to share, knowing how late it would be before Richard would get home. Molly began to notice new things about Richard that appealed to her. She became aware of his lyrical soul, knowing his passion for music and art. He had an intense dislike of the group Genesis, and Molly found the attempts by Jeremy and James to torture Richard by playing their music hilarious. And in spite of his apparently simple demeanor, she became aware that he was much smarter than he let on. During this time Molly realized she was attracted to Richard, but knew nothing would ever come of it. He was married, and he had never shown any interest in her except for friendship. 

At the same time Richard was becoming even more deeply attracted to Molly than he already had been. He also knew nothing would come of it, no matter how much he wanted it. He was married, and she had never shown any interest in him except for friendship. In fact she had shown more open affection for James than she’d even shown him. But then again, he spent the first months being a jerk toward her, so it shouldn’t surprise him that she wouldn’t be interested. At least he still had her in his dreams. Just as ethereal, just as elusive to his grasp, dreams where she was the music and light that he knew was missing in a small part of his waking life, the small part taken away from him by the accident. 

On the weekends Molly would occasionally spend time with Jeremy and his family, but most weekends she would spend with James. Both of them filled the other’s needs for affectionate comfort and companionship. On nights when the depression over his breakup would hit him hard and tie him up in knots, Molly would have James hold her close while she kissed him softly and caressed his face. When Molly would cry out from nightmares of her past abuse, it was James who would gather her in his arms until her trembling would stop and she would drift back to sleep. There was nothing sexual toward each other in those moments, just the wish to provide comfort nobody else was there to give. 

As time passed it was becoming apparent Molly’s ex-boyfriend appeared uninterested or unable to come after her, so Richard, James and Jeremy were not dropping her off at home every night. James started seeing someone new and one weekend actually asked Molly if she would be okay by herself that weekend, to which she gave a hearty approval and gave him a warm hug. Things were getting back to normal in Molly’s life and she felt it was about time they did. 

One Thursday afternoon as Molly was wrapping up her work, Richard called her into his office. He didn’t look happy. “Is something wrong?” she asked. 

“You better believe it,” he snapped and glared at her. “I want to know what you’ve been saying about me.”

Molly was stunned. “I haven’t said anything to anyone about you,” she stammered, “at least nothing that would get you this upset.”

“Well, apparently you have,” he argued. “Because we’re getting a visit from our bosses tomorrow morning.”

Molly was aware this was quite serious. She’d been told before by Jeremy this kind of visit from the BBC only tended to happen when some kind of complaint had been lodged. Top Gear had been visited a couple of times over content—usually something Jeremy had said—and the last time after Richard’s accident, where there had been a push to cancel the show rather than risk the life of a presenter. “But Richard,” Molly asked, “why are you thinking this has something to do with me?”

“Because they said you filed a complaint and said I provided a hostile work environment,” he answered.

“I’ve done no such thing,” Molly replied. “I don’t know who’s filed a complaint, but it wasn’t me.”

Richard crossed his arms. “Oh, so I supposed the bosses are lying,” he answered sarcastically. “They mentioned you by name, so I assume they pulled that from their arse. The upshot is that they will be meeting with the entire staff tomorrow, so I’m afraid your day off is cancelled, and probably your weekend as well. Molly’s heart sank; tomorrow was her birthday, and she’d hoped to spend a long weekend treating herself. “And I don’t give a damn whether you repeat what I’m about to say to them tomorrow or not,” he growled, “but when they find your complaint is groundless—and it is—I am definitely getting even. Be here at 7:30. Sharp.”

Molly couldn’t believe it. She knew she’d not filed any complaint against Richard. But he wouldn’t be so upset if there was no complaint. She knew continuing to protest would be pointless, so she simply walked out and headed for the elevator. 

Richard watched her leave and take the elevator, then with an excited giggle ran back to his office. He punched up an extension. “Hey Jezza? Yeah, I told her. You should have seen it, she was so mad! I think she wanted to kill me, but just left instead. Oh, she’ll be here, I think the fear of God is on her. Uh huh, 7:30. Okay, see you in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Molly's birthday, and she is in for quite a few surprises from the guys.

Molly was still mystified about the complaint as she went into the Tube the next morning. She thought of how very involved it would be to file a complaint against someone and attach your name to the credit. It just seemed so illogical. But Richard said the complaint was traced to her. And he’d been so angry and acted on so much betrayal, he must have believed it came from her. So now the bigwigs at the BBC were going to invade the office and crawl up everyone’s arse with a microscope, all over a lie. Happy birthday indeed. 

What may have been worse to Molly was the promise Richard made to her afterward. He knew the complaint was a lie (which it was). He knew it would be declared unfounded (which it was). But he was so convinced Molly had done this, she knew this friendship would be shattered, and she found that heartbreaking. Because, deep down, Molly knew Richard had started to matter to her in ways deeper than friendship. He didn’t feel the same way, of course—how could he?—but it didn’t matter. But it _did_ matter, because after this he would never allow her to return.

A wild thought occurred to Molly to confess her growing feelings for him. She smashed it down before the Tube had slowed to arrive at the station for the BBC. She could see the moment she told him. Then he would smile sheepishly and tell her he was flattered. He would tell her any man would be honored to have her love. But he didn’t feel the same for her and could not reciprocate. And then it would become impossible for her to stay. That’s assuming he didn’t simply accuse her of just saying it as the reason she filed the complaint against him. 

Twisted in knots inside, on the verge of tears, Molly rode the elevator up to her floor. What greeted her when the doors opened were balloons. Lots of balloons. Around her desk were streamers and confetti. A bouquet of carnations in a vase. A ‘happy birthday Molly’ banner. And lots of people with hats, horns and other party favors. “I take it there’s not a meeting?” she asked. 

Everyone laughed. “Well, I had to come up with something to get you to show up,” Richard answered. “Remember, you were going to take the day off.”

“Who says this isn’t a meeting?” Jeremy asked. “Everyone is here, we’ve just decided to have a meeting disguised as a birthday party.” 

“I think I like this kind of meeting,” Molly laughed as she sat at her desk. “But I guess we need to wrap this up pretty soon and have all of us start work.” 

“Oh no you don’t,” James answered, grabbing her hand and standing her back up.” “It is a regular work day for a lot of people here. But not for you. You actually have the day off, but it allows the three of us to give you our presents. And then afterward, we’re all going out to party. And since I’m the closest to you at this very second, you get my present first. Follow me please.”

James marched Molly down the hallway to his office, a large room with pictures of airplanes and airplane models hanging from the ceiling. “This isn’t going to seem like a lot,” he said, “but I saw this and I thought of you.” James held up a pendant. The charm was shaped like a heart and made of solid pink quartz. “We had that night where I was really feeling heartbroken over things and you said I reminded you of the Tin Man in ‘The Wizard of Oz’,” he said. 

“I remember,” she answered, beaming at the necklace. “I said he thought he had no heart, and he really had the biggest heart of all.”

James nodded. “And then you spent the night holding me and talking and trying to give me comfort. When I woke up the next morning I realized that you might be even more of the Tin Man than me.” He turned Molly around and clasped the necklace. “And so…here is your heart.”

Molly fingered the quartz heart as tears came to her eyes. “You think it’s not much,” she grinned at James through her tears. “But I think it’s wonderful. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. But I do have a birthday wish for you, too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Sit down.” She settled into a chair and he smiled. “You were there for me and a real friend until I could get past my breakup, and I am grateful. And now I’m seeing someone and it’s fantastic. I couldn’t have done that without you. And so…I want you to start again.”

Molly grinned shyly. “It’s funny you should say that,” she answered, “because there is someone I like.”

James’ blue eyes opened wide. “Well this is wonderful!” he replied. “Can you tell me who he is?”  
“Uh, not yet. He doesn’t know that I have any feelings for him.” 

“Oh, I see. Why don’t you tell him?”

“Because, what I am starting to feel for him…if he were to reject me, it would destroy me.”

James came over and knelt by the chair. “Molly, is your love for him as strong as all that?” he smiled softly. Molly nodded. “Then you must tell him, my dear. Where is your courage? That courage made you leave someone who was hurting you. It made you testify against him when he hurt someone else. It led you here. Whenever you love someone it requires courage. And it is your birthday—perhaps you will get your wish.”

Molly shook her head. “This is one wish I won’t get,” she told him. “He is with someone else, and I just don’t see any way he would ever be with me.”

“Then all the more need for us to go out partying tonight,” James answered gently. “We need to find you a man who’s single and also finds you irresistible. And if we can’t get you a husband, we can at least get you laid.” Molly unleashed her wild laugh as James kissed the top of her head. “Now, back to your desk. You might have more presents.” 

Shortly after returning to her desk she head Richard say, “Molly, come in here, please.” She noticed something was covered as soon as she walked in. “I see James gave you his present,” he grinned. “He showed it to me this morning.”

“I love it,” Molly said to him. “I have such an attachment to it already. It’s my own heart.” Richard heard Molly’s voice change to something soft and wistful, a sound that seemed to go straight to his own heart. She was standing so near, it would be so easy to reach over and kiss her. It was something he’d wanted to do for some time, to unlock the floodgates of love and desire he felt welling up in himself. 

At the same moment Molly saw Richard’s deep brown eyes warm into a dark chocolate she wanted to immerse herself in. She couldn’t speak but Molly was mentally begging to Richard to kiss her and try to cool the heat building inside her. 

“You know what they say about wearing your heart outside your body?” Richard murmured. Molly shook her head. His fingers caressed the quartz charm, the stone warmed by her soft skin. “I’m not sure either,” he smiled, then his lips met hers. He started slowly, waiting for at least a second of hesitation. But Molly didn’t resist. His fingers found her cheek which he stroked. Her skin was so soft and warm, the way her skin felt in his dreams. With her eyes closed, enjoying the sensations Molly’s lips were sending into him, Richard could almost imagine the light in the room growing. 

On Molly’s part, the wish that Richard would kiss her overrode any hesitation she had about: about misinterpretation, about his being married, about disappointment and expectation. All she cared about at the moment was Richard’s soft, full lips, the care he was taking to not move too quickly, to not frighten her, and that his teasing was about to make her heart explode. 

The moment was ended by a booming call, growing louder: “Hammond!” Jeremy. Instinctively, Molly turned toward the covered object. “Hammond, is Molly here?” Jeremy was just outside the office.

“She’s here,” Richard announced. “I was just about to give Molly her birthday present.”

“Oh good,” Jeremy smiled as he walked in. “I haven’t seen it yet, either.”

“Okay Molly,” Richard announced. “I painted this for you, and I hope you like it.” Taking off the cover, Molly saw a landscape against a white canvas with hints of building, tree, water, and sky, Avant-garde and lovely. 

Molly couldn’t help but have her eyes well with tears again. “Oh, you guys are giving me such wonderful gifts, she said. “Thank you, Richard.”

“Which brings me to my present,” Jeremy announced. “First off, I’m taking you to a proper lunch. And since Hammond here tends to not like anything, he’s not invited.” This got a giggle from Molly; it was well known Richard didn’t like exotic foods, fish, and many vegetables. “The second part of the present comes after lunch. So come along with me. I’m going to show you a good time.”

Turned out Jeremy and Molly were gone for hours. When they returned, Molly looked slightly disheveled and had to duck into the restroom. Richard and James stared in shock as Jeremy grinned smugly. “Uh, Jezza…” James stammered, “what the hell did you two do?”

“What you wouldn’t dare to do, Captain Slow,” Jeremy answered triumphantly. 

“Well now, there are only a few things I wouldn’t dare to do,” James sniffed. “Be more specific.” 

“You know my brand new Aston Martin?” Jeremy replied. 

“The one you haven’t let us ride in yet?” Richard answered. 

“The same,” Jeremy said. “I took her for a ride in it.”

“Oh big deal,” Richard snorted. “You probably drove her around Hyde Park and droned on about how it was a proper English car.”

Jeremy waited for Richard and James to stop laughing. “We took it into the countryside and topped it out,” he replied simply. “You know how we got drunk and decided she was like one of us? Turns out Molly has a thing for fast cars. The faster I drove, the faster she wanted to go. It’s as if she couldn’t get enough of it.” Molly returned to her desk, now composed, but Richard could see the light in her eyes and knew what Jeremy said was true. It was the look he was known to get after running cars at top speed. 

James and Jeremy went back to their offices until time to go out. Molly and Richard were alone for the first time in hours. However, Molly had become insecure about Richard’s reaction. He’d had time to think about things and to form regrets. She wondered when he might sit her down and explain how it could never happen again. She closed her eyes and relived that moment, and she refused to regret what happened. 

“Molly?”

She opened her eyes to find Richard kneeling next to her chair. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I must have fallen asleep.”

“You look flushed,” Richard whispered. 

“Must be what’s left of the adrenaline rush,” Molly whispered back. “Did Jeremy tell you what we did?”

Richard smiled. “He was very impressed. More often than not, if we bring a passenger for a ride, they end up screaming in terror.”

“I guess in some things I have learned not to be afraid,” she sighed. “In other things I am terrified.” 

“Are you talking about earlier?” Richard asked tenderly. “Oh Molly….we need to talk about that.” He led her into his office and sat her down, then pulled up the other chair and sat down directly across from her. Taking her hands into his, he looked into her eyes and asked, “Do you wish this never happened? Be honest.”

Molly stared deeply into his brown eyes. “No,” she answered, her voice barely a whisper.

Richard smiled. “Good,” he responded. “Because I wanted this too. You have no idea how much I wanted to do that. And I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, whatever we end up doing from this point, but I don’t regret this.” He reached over and kissed Molly again, pulling her to him. Molly shifted and deepened the kiss, her hands going to the back of Richard’s neck and holding him there. This session of kissing lasted for several minutes, and by the time it finished both noticed how dark the other’s eyes had become. 

“I wish there was someplace private and comfortable here for us,” Richard murmured softly. “Because I think that might be where I’d like to go next.”

Molly stroked the side of his face. “Well, you do know I have a flat not far from here,” she answered, “and I live alone. Plus my neighbors across the hall are gone on a two-week cruise, the neighbor downstairs works nights, and the other unit is vacant.”

“Well that’s good,” Richard answered. “Because it might get loud.”

“Oh that sounds like bragging, Mr. Hammond,” Molly teased as she grabbed her things. 

“I’m hoping it’s more of a promise, Ms. Sullivan,” Richard answered back as he turned out the light.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly's past crashes into her present with force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case we have anyone sensitive to such things, this chapter does have quite a lot of violence. Read this one at your own discretion.

Molly and Richard packed her presents into Richard’s car and walked two blocks to the pub for a couple of drinks with James and Jeremy. This was still Molly’s birthday celebration so a drink wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Then, Molly and Richard caught separate taxis back to her flat. The car was left in the parking deck at the BBC, which would turn out to be an important decision. 

Arriving roughly at the same time, though Richard walked a block to Molly’s building (all to avoid any paparazzi lurking), they entered the flat and the door closed. The heat Richard and Molly had been fanning all day was ready to burst into flames. Richard pinned Molly to the wall behind the door and kissed her deeply, letting his hands explore her. Molly pushed Richard’s jacket off his shoulders and he finished by shrugging and letting it fall the rest of the way to the floor. He picked Molly up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom. 

As Richard settled Molly on the bed he whispered, “We can stop if you’re not ready for this.” 

Molly stared up into his face, fingering the hair at the back of his neck. “I don’t want to stop,” she whispered back. 

Richard smiled, then descended and kissed her again, moving his lips to her neck. A breathy moan escaped Molly as his hand rested on her breast and brushed it with this thumb. Molly rolled over, placing herself on top. She took Richard’s hand and placed it under her shirt, hearing him gasp with wonder at the feel of her skin. 

Suddenly, Molly was picked up and flung backwards. She hit the back of her head on the closet door and lay still. Richard looked up just as a hand came down and connected with his jaw. The room went black. 

Molly was not knocked out from hitting her head, but she hit it hard enough to see stars. Next thing she knew she felt herself being dragged. The pain in her head wouldn’t allow her to open her eyes at first. When it subsided she opened her eyes to find herself on the living room floor. Richard lay beside her, just beginning to come around. “Richard,” she whispered to him. “Richard, are you alright?”

Richard’s eyes snapped fully awake. “Molly—“

“Hello Molly,” a familiar voice said above. Looking up, she saw a man—light brown hair, powerfully built. 

“Roger…” she gasped feeling the blood drain from her face. He’d found her. 

“Molly, who is this?” Richard asking, pushing himself into a sitting position on the floor. 

“This is Roger,” Molly answered, her eyes large and wide; Richard heard the calm in Molly’s voice, but his eyes told him she was terrified. “This is my ex-boyfriend.”

“The one who hurt you?” Richard asked. Molly nodded. His eyes grew hard and cold. He started to stand up. “You son of a bitch,” he growled. “Where the fuck do you think you get off—“

A gun was suddenly in Roger’s hand. “Uh-uh loverboy!” Roger answered. “We’re not going to have any heroics tonight. You’re over there, and I’m over here, and I’m holding the gun. Now I’m sure Molly’s told you what I’ve done before and that I was actually released from prison. Surely she’s not such a stupid bitch that she forgot to tell you what I’m capable of. Am I right?” Richard nodded. “Okay then. Sit your ass back down and you won’t get hurt.” Richard sat down on the couch and pulled Molly off the floor to sit next to him. “Good,” Roger replied. “I admire what you were thinking about. Who are you?”

“Richard. I’m Molly’s friend.”

Roger laughed. “Friend? From what I saw, I’d say you have a pretty liberal interpretation of _friend_. But Molly’s had quite a few _friends_. She can’t help it though.” Roger approached the side of the couch and sat on the arm next to Molly. “She’s hard to resist, isn’t she?” Roger ran his hands through Molly’s hair and Richard saw her shudder. “She’s so beautiful. That hair, those eyes….but she’s not exactly pure, is she? Oh no. She’s from the state of Georgia, and she loves to use her accent as a way to lure in those _friends_.” He gripped the hair on the back of her head and forced her to her feet. “What she doesn’t get is that she’s MINE.” Roger pushed Molly forward until she fell hard on the floor. He knelt down by Molly’s head, his eyes fixed on Richard. The stare Roger gave him was venomous. “I do have to wonder who is more stupid here, though,” he continued, “this slut here, who so doesn’t get that I own her I have to hurt others to teach her a lesson, or you, who she warned about me, but he won’t leave well enough alone.” 

Molly lifted her head and stared at Roger. “How about the dipshit who doesn’t want to get that I left you,” she growled, “and then to make it clear, helped to put your ass in prison for assault?” She made a sudden leap sideways, reaching for the gun. She threw Roger off balance and he fell backward. Richard saw a chance. He leapt forward, intending to grab Molly and insert himself between her and Roger. If Roger was going to take anyone on, it was going to be him, not her. But Roger saw Richard’s movement and pointed the gun at him. 

Richard never knew how close he came to ending up dead at that moment. As Roger’s fingers moved to squeeze the trigger, Molly reached for the gun, but instead bumped Roger’s arm and the shot went wide. Furious, Roger reached with his free hand and backhanded Molly hard. 

Richard picked Molly up from the floor as she groaned in pain. “Come on Molly, let me see,” he murmured as he examined her face. There was a trickle of blood from a cut to her lip and the side of her face had already begun to swell. “Big fucking man you are, “he said to Roger, giving him a hateful glare, “hitting a woman you supposedly love.”

“Who said anything about love?” Roger asked flatly. “The bitch needs to understand she is mine. She’s property. And she’s leaving with me, we’re going back to America and we’re going to be all done with this bullshit.” 

That’s when Molly’s cellphone began to ring.

***

“There’s Richard’s car, Jezza,” James said. It had been a couple of hours since Richard told them he was taking Molly home and left the pub. He’d told them he’d call to let them know if he was going to crash at James’ house for the night or spend the night on Molly’s couch. He’d not been heard from since. “So we know he was intending to do as he said.”

“Something is telling me something’s wrong,” Jeremy shook his head. “It’s just something in my gut. Even if he and Molly are together it’s a bad feeling.”

“I tried to text Molly, but she hasn’t answered. “James replied. “Do you supposed she passed out? She was certainly trying to keep up with us in the pub.”

“Well if it was just Molly, I’d say you’d be on the right track,” Jeremy argued. “But Stuart Little has been worse off than tonight and still didn’t fail to let us know what he’s doing.” He took a deep breath. “Oh well, Hammond’s a big boy—so to speak,” he added as James snickered. “Maybe I’m just paranoid.” Jeremy’s phone rang. “Ah, here we are, has to be him,” he said as he fished in his pocket. “So what did you decide to do?” he asked.

“Jezza, it’s Andy,” Andy Wilman answered. Andy had begged off the after-work party at the pub. “Did Molly Sullivan go with you guys to the pub?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy answered, “but she left a couple of hours ago.” 

“Are you guys still in the area?” Andy asked.

“May and I are getting in our cars at the Beeb,” Jeremy answered after putting his phone on speaker. “Hammond was supposed to make sure she got home safe, then let us know his plans.”

“Are you haven’t heard from him, either?”

“No, and his car’s here. What’s up Wilman?”

“I’ve been trying to text and call all of you,” Andy said. “The police sent a warning to Molly an hour ago that her ex posed online earlier he was going to have a talk with her.”

“Oh God,” James muttered, feeling his heart drop this feet. He’d been witness to Molly’s nightmares of about her abuse and knew early on if Molly was ever confronted by her ex, the results would be tragic.

“That sounds like he knows Molly lives, exactly,” Jeremy said.

“Yes, it does,” Andy responded. “The police don’t want to just go pounding on her door and upsetting the neighbors if they can avoid it. But if they don’t hear from her within an hour, they’re sending cars.”

Jeremy thought a moment. “We could go by her place and see if she’s okay,” he offered. “That way if she’s just asleep we can call you back. And if she doesn’t know about her ex, we can get her out of there.”

Andy sighed. “Okay, but nobody gets to play hero. I don’t want anybody getting killed.”

***

The cellphones were going crazy. No sooner would Molly’s phone stop ringing than Richard’s would start, then Molly’s would start again. 

“You two have lots of people looking for you at 3 in the morning,” Roger noted. “Who do you have wanting to talk this time at night?”

“It must be work,” Molly answered quickly. “If they’re calling this late there must be some big problem. Maybe I should call them back—“

“You really must think I’m stupid,” Roger answered calmly. “You think I’d let you talk on the phone? So you can tell people I’m here?” 

“If we leave the phone unanswered, people will think something’s wrong,” Richard countered. “At least let’s try to make things appear normal.” 

“Very good argument,” Roger said after a moment. “But…no. I’m not letting either of you have a chance to call for help.”

Richard could see Molly’s eyes well with tears and he took her hand into his to comfort her. Roger noticed almost immediately and his face went scarlet. “Why are you touching my woman?” Roger demanded. 

“Because she’s upset and she deserves comfort,” Richard answered defiantly. “She doesn’t need someone intimidating and hurting her.”

“You’re being very smartass with someone holding a gun,” Roger said. “Molly deserves what she deserves, nothing more. And you will deserve what you deserve if you keep pissing me off.”

“Roger, please let Richard go,” Molly pleaded softly. “He has nothing to do with us.”

“Oh, really?” Roger asked. “You think I haven’t seen him coming over with you?” And you’ve been spending weekends with him.” 

“She has been protected from you,” Richard shot back. “Her friends were aware you might come back.”

“And since I’m here, you and your friends did a pretty crap job of protecting her.” 

“Richard, don’t.” Molly whispered to him. “I told you what he could do to you.”

“Don’t whisper to him!” Roger commanded. 

“Why not?” Molly answered him. ‘If Richard’s my new _friend_ , as you like to put it, then I will talk to him if I please. It doesn’t really matter if I talk to him or not, does it? You don’t intend to leave me alive at the end of this. You’re of the ‘if I can’t have you nobody can’ type. So it doesn’t really fucking matter who I speak to at this point.”

Before there was any reaction the intercom buzzed, followed by Jeremy’s voice. “Molly, it’s Jeremy. I know you’re up because your light’s on.” I need to talk, it’s important.” 

_Oh God, Jezza_ , Richard thought. _There’s no way Roger will leave him alive_.

Roger put his hand on Richard’s shoulder and the gun against his head. “Let him in,” Roger whispered. “And you’re going to convince whoever it is things are normal and send him away. Or I kill loverboy here. And you,” he warned Richard, “make one noise and not only I kill you, I kill the guy at the door first.”

When Roger walked back to the bedroom with Richard, Molly buzzed the door to let Jeremy in. As she heard him lumbering up the stairs, Molly hoped she could get Jeremy to leave but drop enough hints of the trouble they were in. Molly opened her door. “Sorry, Jezza, they lock the building after midnight and guests have to be buzzed in.”

“Quite alright,” Jeremy replied. He then noticed the side of Molly’s face. “What happened to you, Molly?”

“Oh,” Molly mock-laughed. “You know how Richard gets when he gets drunk. He apologized.”

“So he’s here?” Jeremy asked. “I want to talk to him.” He started to enter the flat. 

“He passed out on the bed a while ago,” Molly answered. “At least let him sleep it off tonight, okay?”

Jeremy’s brain was going five miles a second. Molly never called him by his nickname. He knew Richard could be many things drunk, but violent towards a woman wasn’t one of them. Molly’s not letting him see Richard, which says someone else is here. And Molly’s telling him to leave Richard alone, and that was telling Jeremy he himself was probably 30 seconds from getting murdered. “Yeah, okay,” Jeremy answered. “Tell Richard I’m going to have a talk with him, though. Are you sure you’re alright? That’s why I stopped by anyway.”

“I’m fine,” Molly made sure to answer. She gave Jeremy a smile that didn’t meet her eyes.

“Okay, goodnight.” Jeremy waited until he got out of the building before getting on his phone. “Andy, Molly and Richard are in big trouble.”

***

“Very good girl,” Roger said to Molly as he and Richard walked out of the bedroom. A glance passed between them; both knew Jeremy was smart enough to pick up on the signals, but now were worried what would happen once the police arrived. “Your friend at the door was placated pretty easily, but I’m sure he’s going to be on the phone to the cops before long,” he continued. “But at least she put the blame on you, loverboy, so if anybody’s going to jail for assault, it’s you. Well, now it’s clear the cops will be on the way soon, “Roger sighed. “I’m thinking it’s time to leave But first, it’s going to be hard to get away with two hostages.” He pointed the gun at Richard again. “Sorry Richard, you seem like a good enough guy, if a little gullible to Molly’s charms…”

“Roger, please don’t—“ Molly pleaded.

Richard shook his head. “Don’t beg to him, Molly,” he said. 

“Oh God, Roger, he has nothing to do with us,” Molly continued. “Let him go.”

Roger knocked Richard down to his knees and placed the barrel of the gun against the top of Richard’s skull. “For someone who you say is just a friend, you’re pleading mighty hard for his life.” Roger answered. “Now why is that?”

Molly looked into Richard’s dark eyes. What she saw there was certainty. Richard had told Molly in the only conversation he’d shared with her about his accident that at the moment he knew the crash was inevitable he was certain of his own death. That was what she saw in his eyes now, and she wanted to prove him wrong. “Because….I love him…” she said to Roger through her tears. Richard sighed and shut his eyes. “If….if you save him, I’ll come with you willingly.” 

“Dear God, Molly, no,” Richard whispered. “Not for me.”

“I’ll come back to you,” Molly said to Roger. “And I won’t leave you again.”

“Still doesn’t solve the problem of a third wheel,” Roger answered."

“We can tie him up and leave him here, “Molly countered. “It will give us time to make a getaway.” Molly sank to her knees. “Roger, I will do whatever you want, be whoever you want me to be. Please, just let Richard go.”

Roger grinned. “She is so caring towards you, loverboy,” he said softly in Richard’s ear. “You must have really touched her to plead for you. And she cares enough about you to get her to throw in leaving with me as a bargaining chip.” In the distance the sound of police sirens could be heard. A wild flash of hope swept into Richard’s soul, the feeling in old movies that the cavalry had arrived and everything would be alright. One look into Molly’s face told him otherwise. To her, the sound of the sirens was a sign that the ending had come. Roger heard the sirens too and his demeanor changed. He stared at Molly coldly. “But of course she would try to manipulate me into saving you,” Roger said “And maybe I should grant her wish.” In an instant the barrel of Roger’s gun left Richard’s head and swung toward Molly. 

Richard saw it in slow motion. Molly’s eyes grew wide and sad. She struggled to get to her feet, the instinct to try and run taking over. The shot was loud and sharp in Richard’s ear. Molly’s head jerked sharply to the right and she spun down. There was a second shot and a bloom of blood appeared on her shoulder. Molly fell to the floor and lay still. 

_**“NO!”**_ Richard screamed. “Oh, God, oh God, oh God, Molly!” For the moment Roger was forgotten, all Richard could see was Molly. He ran over to her on the floor, trying to hold himself together. “Please, Molly, please…” he stroked the side of her head, but when he pulled back his hand he saw blood. “Oh no,” he sobbed. “No, no, no, no, no, no. Wake up Molly, wake up! _God!!_ _**Please!!”**_

Richard wasn’t paying attention when the next shot rang out. The sirens stopped.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the hospital, Richard confesses a couple of secrets to Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another few chapters for you guys. It might be a bit before I get back on again, but I think I've left you with quite a bit of reading. Enjoy.

As soon as Jeremy’s feet hit the pavement and he shut the car door he was at a dead run into the hospital. Andy Wilman had called him while he and James sat in the Top Gear office, waiting for word. “Get here,” Andy said,” a hitch in his voice. Things had gone terribly wrong. He met James inside, and in any other moment he would have marveled at Captain Slow making it here before him. But he saw Andy’s face, the tears in James’ eyes, and nearly felt his heart fail. “What the hell happened?” he managed to get out. 

“Molly…” James began. He took a deep breath and let it out, but it came out as a sob. “They’re working on her, Jezza. She was shot in the head.”

“Oh…Jesus wept,” Jeremy muttered, trying to keep his own eyes from welling with tears. “What about Hammond?”

“Police are getting a statement,” James answered. “He’s a mess. Apparently he saw all of it. Her ex shot her, then himself.”

“Oh, shit.” Jeremy ran a shaky hand over his face. I should have stayed James. Molly was warning me away and I knew it. I should have ignored her and gone into the flat.” 

“For what reason, Jezza? It probably wouldn’t have changed anything. Just someone else who would have gotten hurt. And you did what you were supposed to do. You sussed the scene out and told everyone Molly and Richard were in trouble.”

A door opened and Richard appeared, followed by various police officers. Richard looked shattered: his face was pale, almost drained of all color. His dark eyes were large and sad, slightly vacant. He looked as if he’d aged several years in mere hours. “How is Molly?” he asked Andy quietly. 

“We’ve heard nothing yet,” Andy told him. 

Richard sank into a chair and buried his face in his hands. “Molly knew it was over when she heard the sirens,” he said after a moment, his voice shaky. “She knew in her heart Roger would kill her and probably me too.”

“I’m so sorry, Hammond,” Jeremy told him, his voice soft. “I shouldn’t have left you guys there."

“Don’t, Clarkson,” Richard replied. “You don’t know it, but Roger had his gun trained on you the whole time you were talking to Molly. Had you come inside, he would have killed you outright.” He sighed as Jeremy saw his eyes fill with tears. “Molly was willing to sacrifice herself for me. She offered to go back and be with him to keep him from killing me.” 

“Hey,” Jeremy replied, “we shouldn’t be writing Molly off here. She has a strength to her I’ve only ever seen in you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. After your accident—right afterward—when there were so many questions of if you’d make it. I’ve never known anyone fight so hard to simply wake up. Molly has that kind of fight in her. God almighty, she had the strength to leave that bastard in the first place.”

“Yes, and he hunted her down, shot her, and then shot himself.” Richard shook his head. “Fat lot of good it did her.” He was quiet a moment. “When he shot her I freaked out,” he said quietly. “And then I only heard the next shot. For a second I thought Roger had shot me. And do you know, in that moment, I wouldn’t have cared if I had been shot?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Jeremy answered. It’s as plain as the nose on your face how you feel about her.” Richard looked startled. “Come on. You planned this big celebration for Molly pretty much on your own. You wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

It took a moment for Richard to speak. “Jezza, I love Mindy,” he whispered. “And I am so happy with her. But for reasons I can’t explain Molly’s become special to me. So very special.”

“She’s special to you because she’s special to everyone,” Jeremy replied. “Circumstances aside, we’ve all come to love her and that’s not easy.”

“But I don’t get it,” Richard continued. “We’ve had other women as staff. But I’ve had times when I look at her…damn, this is gonna sound ridiculous…and I hear music.”

Jeremy smiled. “Music?”

“Yeah. At first I wondered if it might be some kind of short circuit from the injury, but I don’t think so.”

“So what do you hear when you see her?”

“’Pictures of You,’ by the Cure.”

Jeremy grinned. “Good choice. Wilman says he hears ‘Friday, I’m in Love’. So you’re not the only one.”

“What do you suppose James hears?” Richard asked with a slight grin.

“He told me,” Jeremy answered. “It’s the Romance Larghetto movement of Chopin’s 1st piano concerto.” There was a brief laugh between them, then they grew serious again. “Hammond, Molly means a lot, and she’s going to make it, the same way you did. What happens between the two of you from this point is up to both of you.” 

They looked down the hallway and saw the doctor approaching. They approached him, along with James and Andy. 

“I don’t know what kind of Divine Intervention was involved here, but Molly’s going to be okay,” the doctor was saying. 

“But she was shot in the head,” James stammered.

“Yes,” the doctor agreed. “The bullet, however, must have bounced off her skull. There are no signs of the bullet entering her brain, and as a result no signs of brain injury. She’ll need several stitches along the side of her scalp. She’ll have a pretty good scar, but her hair will cover it. As for her shoulder, the bullet passed through and the injury will require physical therapy to regain full use of her arm. But for the time being she’s in good shape, all things considered.”

“Can we see her?” Andy asked. 

“She’s being taken to her room,” the doctor answered. “She’ll be in our care for a day or two. As soon as she’s placed, you can visit for a short time.” The doctor looked at Richard and slight exasperation crossed his face. “Mr. Hammond, I heard the other doctor on duty warn you that you are suffering from shock and you need to be off your feet, probably for a day or so. You’re running on adrenaline alone, which will run out unexpectedly and then you will fall down.” 

“It’s okay,” Andy replied. We’ve called his wife. She’s on her way to take him home.”

“All the same,” the doctor countered, “he needs to not walk around.”

Half an hour later, Molly had been moved to a bed and given painkillers. As everyone gathered outside her room, however, it was becoming clear she was fighting their effects. The doctor decided Richard might be the one who could calm her and help her to sleep. “Just a warning though,” he told Richard. “Do not discuss much, not right now. She should be a little stronger before breaking upsetting news to her.”

“I understand,” Richard answered and entered the room. 

The light behind the bed was the only light in the room. Molly was covered up to the waist with a sheet and thin blanket. Richard noticed one side of Molly’s short black hair had been cut away and along the side of her skull there was a lengthy gash, closed with dozens of stitches. It looked horrifying, but Richard thought to himself at least it beat the alternative. Richard felt a brief twinge of guilt over his accident: most of his injuries had been invisible, yet Mindy, James, Jeremy, Andy—everyone really—had to live with the knowledge while he looked essentially normal. Molly’s injuries, for the most part, were external. Her shoulder, meanwhile, had been heavily bandaged. There, most of the damage was internal—muscle, tendon and bone that would have to heal and be rehabilitated. Molly was dozing lightly but not peacefully, calling out softly in a dream: “Richard…no…please…don’t…I can’t…” Richard stared at her face, pale and damp with sweat. 

“This is normal,” the nurse whispered as she wrote down Molly’s vital signs. “We see this with gunshot wounds. The immune system reacts when the body gets invaded so violently, even if the bullets don’t stay in the body. It’s part of healing.”

“I see…but what if…”

“We’ll watch,” the nurse answered. “If the fever goes up or persists, we’ll give her antibiotics.” She left the room and left Richard alone.

Richard pulled up a chair and sat by the bed, his legs suddenly feeling weak. He knew this was what the doctor had warned about, the adrenaline leaving his body and leaving him exhausted. 

“Richard…” Molly whispered in her dream.

Richard stood up and gently caressed her brow. “Molly,” he said tenderly. “You’re okay. “You’re going to be fine.”

Molly opened her eyes. Few moments in Richard’s life outmatched the moment Molly’s blue-gray eyes opened and saw him, even half-sedated. “Hi,” she announced sleepily.

“You’re in the hospital,” Molly,” Richard told her. “You were hurt, but the doctor said you will be okay.”

“I thought you were dead,” Molly said, her eyes growing wide.

“Who me?” he replied, trying to keep it light. “I survived crashing a jet car. This was nothing.”

“Oh.” Molly closed her eyes and started to drift back to sleep. Suddenly she opened her eyes again.” “Where is Roger?” she asked. 

Richard kissed her forehead. “Roger won’t bother you anymore,” he whispered. “But we don’t need to talk about that just now. Right now, what’s needed is for you to let the drugs take their full effect and rest. Trust me, when you’re hurt sleep is the best thing for healing.”

“Okay,” Molly agreed. Richard waited until she had dropped off and her breathing slowed. Then he walked out of the room.

Mindy had shown up meanwhile and was waiting with everyone. When she saw Richard she gasped aloud at his appearance, then she ran over to him and he embraced her fully. “Oh, thank God, thank God,” she sniffled. “How is Molly?”

“It’s okay,” Richard answered. “She’ll sleep now.”

“What about you?” James asked. 

“To be honest, mate, I feel like shit.” 

“That’s why I’m taking you home,” Mindy answered. “The doctor said you needed to rest yourself.”

“I’m not going to argue,” Richard replied. Mindy led him out to her car and he put on his seatbelt. It was the last thing he remembered. The adrenaline finally ran out and he was deeply asleep before they drove out of the parking lot.

***

Molly was in the hospital several days. She kept a low-grade fever and the doctors gave her antibiotics to prevent infection. Her shoulder gave her various degrees of pain, so when Jeremy, or James, or Andy came to visit her consciousness ranged from fully awake to virtually sedated. 

Jeremy was the one who told Molly about Roger. She remained calm at first, then the flood of emotion hit and she began weeping uncontrollably. At first Jeremy was confused by her reaction, but on reflection realized she had once loved Roger very much and she didn’t really wish death on him—she merely wanted to be away from him. 

Mindy showed up at the hospital to check on Molly and thank her for keeping Richard as safe as possible. Richard ended up having an aftereffect of the situation: when Mindy had driven home with Richard from the hospital, he had slept all the way home. When she reached over to wake him Richard jerked awake, then started shaking. Mindy had to put him to bed and put extra blankets on him. He complained of being cold. By the next morning the shaking had stopped, but he felt the need to stay in bed and sleep. Mindy took note of how sad Molly looked and resolved to get Richard to cheer her up. 

As Molly improved medically, the others realized a problem: while Molly had her own flat, for her to return to a flat where an attempted murder/suicide occurred would be unlikely. They got together and decided Molly should split time at their homes, so Richard and Mindy, Andy, Jeremy, and James met with Molly in her hospital room. 

Molly didn’t have the reaction they expected. “Wait a second,“ she told them. “When do I get to state an opinion? All of you have been talking and making plans for me and not asking me what I want.”

“But, Molly, you can’t go back to your flat,” James stated. “There are so many levels of ‘unhealthy’ attached to that idea.”

“I said nothing about going back there,” Molly snapped. She shook her head. “It’s just the way it’s always been,” she muttered. “There’s this assumption about me, that I’m helpless and stupid, that everybody else knows more about taking care of me than me. And everybody here had me believing it. So I’ve gone along with these ideas that all of you had, for months. And what’s happened?” Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. “I ended up here, and it nearly got Richard and Jeremy killed, and a man I used to love—for right or wrong—is dead. So excuse me if I’m not happy having heard plans for me that don’t seem to include me!” Molly tried wiping her eyes, but new tears replaced them. “Please, just leave me alone,” she wept. “I need to sleep.” 

The group left the room, but in the hall, Richard said to them, “I’ll go back in there and talk to her.” When he re-entered, Molly had reclined her bed slightly and had shut her eyes. “Molly, I’m sorry,” he offered. 

“Sorry?” Molly sniffled. “About what?”

“Molly, I know a bit of what you’re feeling, that you’re being minded and you have no control,” Richard sat on the bed and took her hands into his. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” Molly shrugged. “But what I do know is making plans and telling me after the decision’s been made is too much like my relationship with Roger. It says I’m stupid and my opinion doesn’t matter.”

Richard sighed and shut his eyes. “”Oh, God,” he replied. “I don’t think any of us realized that. Seriously, we don’t want you to feel that way. I think we were just trying not to stress you out.” Richard caressed Molly’s cheek. “Everybody loves you, Molly, and when you were brought in we were all here feeling responsible for what happened. Everybody feels like we failed you, especially Andy. We just want to make it up to you.”

“I know,” Molly acknowledged. “But I would like to be consulted. And as for what I want to do…I have so many decisions to make. Maybe I want to take you up on your plan, or maybe I don’t. Or maybe I should just leave.”

“Leave? Oh, you don’t want to do that,” Richard argued lightly. “What would I do without you?” he kissed Molly’s cheek. “I’ll go back out and tell everyone that you just want a day to consider things, and maybe come up with an idea. In the meantime, how are you feeling?”

“Well, I have a wounded shoulder that sometimes hurts like hell,” she answered. “Half my head is shaved and until I’m allowed to grow that side back I look like a freak show. I feel guilty as hell because who I chose to get involved with years ago has nearly gotten people killed. And for all that , it can’t feel half as bad as Mindy said you felt afterward.”

“That was rough,” Richard agreed, “but I got through it. And you’re going to get through this, too. You’re going to recover, and things can get back to the way things were. At least I hope so,” he added with a slight grin. “Now, get some sleep.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly spends time in Wales to recuperate, but things don't go completely to plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. It should give you something to tide you over.

Ultimately, Molly decided to go with her own plan. Doing some research, Molly found a set of residential hotels, offering what they called ‘corporate suites’—mini-flats, fully furnished, with mini-kitchens and bathrooms. These were usually rented by corporations—hence the term—for the benefit of executives who travelled extensively to one location for an extended period. Molly would stay until her flat could be cleaned and remodeled. She also needed the time to negotiate with her landlord, knowing the neighbors would have a hard time with living near the site of such horrible acts. The group promised Molly she was going to get frequent visitors. At the same time, Molly felt a bid sad, because they were all going back to work and their own lives, while Molly wouldn’t be working for a couple of weeks, and then for a while would only be telecommuting. She had gotten used to being in the office at least once a week, so even that was going to be taken away. Molly reminded herself to be pissed at Roger for that later. 

A few weeks later Molly was released from the hospital, she was in the middle of her arm exercises when James showed up. She gave him a big hug, and James was pleasantly surprised. “It feels like the arm is regaining strength,” he said. 

“The strength is back, but I have to work on flexibility,” Molly answered. “At least I don’t have to deal with the painkillers as much.”

“What? You don’t like being zonked out?” James replied with a smile. 

“I guess I’m just weird that way,” she shot back. “So, what brings you by?”

“Well, for one, I miss my friend,” James answered. “I wonder how she’s doing and I wish she was back in the office.”

“I’ll be back in the office, when I’m done with physical therapy,” Molly smiled. “Another four or five weeks. Surely you guys can get along without me.”

“Yes, yes, but with you around things are less dull.” Both laughed. “I also stopped by because I have something for you.” He pulled a box out of his pocket and gave it to Molly, who opened it. 

“Oh!” Molly gasped. “It’s my pendant! I thought I’d lost it.”

“They took it at the hospital,” James answered. “The chain was damaged when you were shot. So I took it and had a jeweler replace it.”

Molly smiled and tears spilled down her cheeks. “It’s funny,” she said, “the littlest things that end up mattering. You gave it to me, and when I thought it was lost I was so sad.”

“Well now you have it back.” James turned Molly around, fastened the necklace, and turned her back to him. “There,” he smiled, cupping her face in his hands. “We’re getting a little of you back every day.”

“I want to believe that, James,” Molly sighed “But I don’t’ know if I’ll ever get all of myself back. I got shot. I was responsible for someone killing themselves. Things like that change you.”

“It’s changed us all,” James agreed. “I know that I nearly lost you. And you’re the closest a woman has ever come to making me feel that lost, and desperate, and confused.”

Molly was surprised. “Uh, James…are you saying…”

James quickly shook his head. “No, no,” he answered. “What I’m saying is that if a woman were to ever make me feel as displaced as men say they are with women, you’d be that one for me.”

“I appreciate that, I think,” Molly said to him. 

“The point is, your getting shot changed me, too. It made me understand that I need to let those I care about know that I care. That is a good thing. And you can take what’s happened to you and find a way to make yourself stronger. As if you weren’t one of the strongest people I’ve ever met already.” 

Molly smiled, then stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. “Would you take it in the spirit in which it’s intended if I said that I love you?” she asked.  
James held Molly back and looked her over carefully. “As long as you take it in the same spirit that I love you too,” he answered. 

***

“Oh, God, Molly! I love the new cut!” Mindy said as Molly and James entered the Hammond house. Mindy and Richard had decided to have another weekend where they invited everyone to the Welsh countryside. It was a chance for everyone to reconnect, as Molly had finished her physical therapy and had been cleared to resume a normal schedule of at least weekly visits to the Top Gear office. Andy Wilman, for instance, had not seen Molly since she left the hospital and had spoken to her by phone a couple of times. 

“You like?” Molly asked. “I had to get the cut to even out the length.” The new shorter hairstyle gave her a waiflike appearance.

“Your hair’s grown thick enough to hide the scar,” Mindy told her. “That must be a comfort to you.”

“At least I don’t get funny looks anymore when I’m walking down the street. I’ve heard, by the way, we’re going to actually get music from these guys this weekend. Is that true?”

“That’s the idea,” Molly answered with a giggle. “Jeremy’s setting up his drum kit and brought his keyboard, and Richard dragged out his bass guitar. So the rule is whether you think you’re a good singer or a bad one, everybody sings if asked. And if you’re a bad singer, don’t worry—after a few drinks everyone sounds great.” Molly laughed one of her braying laughs.

“Hey, I know that laugh!” a voice said. Molly turned and saw Richard for the first time in weeks. They’d spoken regularly, but had not seen one another. Richard’s hair was slightly longer than she remembered it last. But he looked fit and his large brown eyes were warm and friendly. Richard’s view of Molly was that she was slighter in frame than before, and while the light in her eyes was happy, there was a tint of sadness, too. He wondered if that sadness would ever completely go away, now that she had experienced what she had. Instead of voicing any of these reflections, he simply held his arms open and said, “Hello, Molly.”

“Oh, hello you,” Molly smiled and gave him a hug. “The house is strangely quiet considering you have kids. Where are they?”

“Spending the weekend with my parents,” Richard answered. “We wanted this weekend gathering to be for grownups.”

“Sounds kinky,” Molly giggled. “You’re not planning a key party or something like that, are you?”

“No,” Richard answered, “and now I’m going to have to ask Clarkson and May what a key party is!” With a laugh Richard headed off into another room.

***

Molly awoke in darkness, alone, heart slamming her chest. She was confused about her location for a moment, which was nearly as terrifying as the nightmare she’d had. Then she remembered she was spending the weekend with Richard and Mindy and relaxed. Since the shooting Molly’s nightmares had been variations of the event. Tonight she’d dreamt of begging Roger to spare Richard’s life, only to watch Richard being shot just inches away from her. She’d been too frightened to move. She sat on the bed and wept as her tension released. She tried to go back to sleep but quickly gave up—some nights the dreams were too vivid. Molly wrapped herself in her robe, then wrapped her quilt about her as a shawl. Maybe relocating to another room would help her relax and allow her to go back to sleep. 

Molly stepped lightly down the hallway to avoid waking anyone; she figured her possibly screaming her nightmare would’ve woken someone, but no. Then again, tonight’s segment of the party had been pretty vigorous, and there had been more than enough alcohol consumed to allow heavy sleeping—in bed, on couches, in the bathtub, or in the boots of cars. She suppressed a giggle at this thought. But when she got into the den and noticed the forms of people sleeping in the chairs and the sofa, her joke became quite real. She passed through to the kitchen to the door to the patio and slipped outside. 

The night air was cool but felt good to Molly’s face. She was wearing pajamas under her thick robe with a quilt around her, so she felt comfortable. She stretched out on one of the loungers, covering herself with the quilt and stared up at the moon. The sky was clear and the moon as rising, throwing a bright light. It was a light of romance, a light where you tell someone you’re in love with them. 

Molly had said it before, when she had pleaded with Roger for him. At the time she had only half-meant it. It was what she could think of to say. But time away had made her longing for him more intense, made her love quicken and form. It made her feel lonely and yet strangely warm inside. She drifted to sleep. 

“Molly?” 

She opened her eyes to see Richard standing in the grass just beyond the patio. She stood up and went to him. 

“What are you doing out here?” Molly asked. He was bathed in the moonlight. It had grown brighter and she could see everything clearly. 

“Waiting for you to meet me,” he whispered. “I knew you’d show up.” Richard’s face was soft and gentle. “Molly, what do you feel for me?”

Molly was at a loss for words. She wanted so much to tell him her heart was nearly bursting. But was he about to let her down easy? Tell her that he couldn’t feel the same way? “I…” Molly stammered. “I—“

Richard tilted Molly’s face up so he could look into hers. “It’s in your eyes,” he sighed tenderly. “Molly, please tell me that you love me.” Molly took note of the longing in his face. Without a word, Molly placed her arms around Richard’s neck. Then she pulled him in and kissed him….

“Molly?”

She opened her eyes. Richard was sitting on the edge of the lounger. He was stroking the side of her face and looked concerned. Up above the sky was turning blue, but the sun had not quite risen. “What are you doing out here?” he asked. 

“I couldn’t go back to sleep,” Molly explained. “So I came out here to relax. And I guess I fell asleep out here.”

 

Richard handed her a cup. “Here’s some tea,” he told her. “it will help take some of the chill off.”  
Molly took a sip. “What time is it?” she asked. 

“Early,” he smiled. “Take the cup with you, grab a quick shower, get dressed and come help me feed the sheep and the chickens.”

“Really?” she giggled. “How come you picked me?”

“Because you’re out here, I got you awake quickly, and you’re the only party guest who’s not waking up to an incapacitating hangover,” Richard answered with a wink. “Come on. Tut-tut.” 

45 minutes later, Molly re-emerged from her room fully dressed. Everyone was still asleep. She slipped back out the patio door to see Richard waiting for her. “Just how much did we all drink last night?” she whispered. “They’re all still out.”

“About as much as some of us will probably drink tonight,” Richard answered simply. “Meanwhile, you and I are going to play with farm animals.” The sun was not above the trees, but to Molly it was promising to be a glorious morning. 

***

Richard and Molly first went to take care of the sheep. It wasn’t a large flock of sheep, but they had to have a monthly deworming pill, then their enclosure needed cleaning. 

“Having fun yet?” Richard teased as he put away the pills. “Wishing you’d stayed in bed?”

“I’m having fun seeing you as a farmer,” Molly answered. “It somehow explains you.” She laughed.

“Did you ever live on a farm?” Richard asked. “This isn’t a working farm, but living out here, it was almost unnatural not to have a few animals.”

“No, never lived on a farm,” Molly answered. “But I grew up with friends who did. One actually worked on their dairy farm before and after school. Up at 4, went to school from 8 to 3. Homework and chores until supper, and in bed at 8:30. It sounds romantic until you realize a working farm allows no social life.”  
“A non-working farm does the same thing,” Richard answered. “That’s precisely why I like it. I could be out at parties every night, have everyone telling me how wonderful I am, getting a swelled head and then getting myself in trouble and in the gossip papers constantly. Or, I can come home most nights to a bunch of animals who don’t give a shit other than getting fed and a little attention. “I think that’s one of the reasons I like you. You’re a country girl—from another country, but it’s the same most places. You come to London and most would get into the clubs and finding things to do they didn’t have the chance to do before. But you didn’t. You’ve kept your head level and worked.”

“I guess it helped that I had certain things over my head,” Molly replied, shrugging. “It helps to keep a low profile when you have an ex-boyfriend wanting to—“ She stopped short, then turned away so Richard wouldn’t see her tears. 

Richard pushed the sheep out of the enclosure, then came back to Molly. “We’ve not had a chance to talk about this since it happened,” he said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Molly, you survived. You’re the stronger one. And because of you I am here now.” 

Molly turned to face him. “I nearly got you killed,” she answered. “And Jeremy too. Do you know how easily he could have decided not to leave?”

“Yes, I do. But he did leave. And I am very much alive. And you didn’t nearly kill us. Roger did. Guess who isn’t here now? And if you’d not had the presence of mind to give Jeremy all those signals so he knew something was wrong, chances are none of us would be here. If anything I should apologize to you. I didn’t do enough to keep Roger from shooting you.”

“What? Are you mad?” Molly argued. “You kept it from happening much earlier. I was terrified, and Roger knew it. And you kept standing up for me, drawing his anger to you. At least you helped delay the inevitable. In fact had I been alone Roger could have done much worse before he killed me.” Suddenly Molly couldn’t find anything else to say. She was looking directly into Richard’s eyes and had a memory of those first kisses in the office, before all the horror of that night played out. 

Richard reached over and caressed her cheek. His dark eyes turned soft and warm. “It’s in your eyes,” he whispered as he leaned over and his lips touched hers. He was tentative, wondering if the bad memories would come back and spoil the moment. Molly’s lips parted slightly, inviting him in to explore. Richard didn’t disappoint—his tongue slipped lightly inside and danced there, leaving Molly weak in the knees. She moaned softly as she stepped closer, trying to deepen the kiss further. 

It was Richard who ended the kiss when both were out of breath and warm and their eyes had grown very dark. “Molly,” he breathed, “are you in love with me?”  
There was a stab of panic in Molly’s heart. She knew to say the wrong thing now would be a disaster. Did he want to know so he could let her down easy, or did he want to know to free him to express his own feelings for her? As in her dream, she couldn’t find the words to say, so she just avoided the question. “Shouldn’t we get on with cleaning out the enclosure?”

Richard looked at her for a long moment, then said, “Yeah, we should.”

Using rakes and a shovel, Molly and Richard set to work cleaning out the soiled hay and putting down the fresh. They didn’t speak much. Deep inside Molly felt sad. She wanted to explain to him why she avoided the question, but she also figured any explanation she gave at this point would sound hollow. It would sound like she was continuing to avoid the answer. But to give the answer risked his rejection. But she couldn’t stand the uncomfortable silence between them, either. She put her rake down. “Richard?”

Richard continued to work. “Yes?”

She walked over to him. “Awhile back, just before Bolivia, there was a moment where you looked at me. You looked into me and saw me for who I am. It’s one of those moments that you wish would happen again. And what scares me is if I give you the wrong answer to your question, everything will change. Walls will be thrown up between us. And any chance of that moment ever happening again would be lost forever. Oh God, Richard, that moment was so pure, to not ever have the chance to feel it again is beyond sad.” 

Richard flashed back to that moment at the last party. It had been brief, a microsecond really, but he remembered feeling that he knew everything he needed to know about Molly Sullivan, and it happened that fast. It had taken him from a simple like of her to a deep-seated attraction, stronger than mere physical desire. He put down the rake and placed both hands on her shoulders. “There is no need to fear me, Molly,” he said to her. “I know what I feel for you, and I hope you feel even a fraction of that toward me. You do, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she whispered. 

He flashed a smile, then kissed her forehead. “Good. Now, let’s go feed the chickens, then grab some breakfast.”

***

“So, what really brought you out to the lounger this morning?” Richard asked Molly as they were walking to the chicken coop. 

“I told you,” she answered. “I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

Richard sighed. “I heard you crying,” he replied sympathetically. “Are you having nightmares?”

Molly shrugged. “Not every night,” she admitted. “I used to have dreams about my abuse every night. Then they stopped. When Andy told me Roger had been released from jail they started up again. And of course there’s what just happened. But it will go away.” 

“Oh, Molly…” Richard gave her a hug. “James told me while you were in the hospital about the bad dreams. He was worried what might happen now. He cares about you a great deal.”

“I care about him a great deal,” Molly replied. “Unfortunately, I’m apparently not his type.” They both laughed slightly, then her face changed and turned serious. “Please don’t worry about me, neither of you. I don’t want minders, you know that.” 

Richard nodded. “Yeah, I know that.” They walked on along, now quietly. Richard studied Molly. Her eyes closed when the morning sun would shine full upon them. He got the feeling she was drawing strength from her surroundings, the way he had seen it the last time she’d been here. Everything was being stripped away to her essence. He realized the countryside certainly had its benefits for her. 

At the enclosure for the chickens, Richard handed the feed to Molly and watched as she scattered it on the ground. She called in a soft, chick-chick-chick-chick chant that to Richard almost sounded musical, and she laughed as the chickens gathered at her feet to peck the ground. Molly glanced up into Richard’s eyes, bright and happy and full of gentle energy. For the first time in weeks the music echoed in his consciousness. 

“I like the way you’re looking at me,” Molly said to him, breaking his train of thought. She sighed. “But you can never let anyone else see the way you look at me.” This thought brought Richard back to reality. There was the potential of hurting innocent people if he kept walking around with his heart on his sleeve. Somewhere, deep inside he felt an invisible door close between them and things went back to normal. Without another word, Molly and Richard headed back to the house. 

They entered quietly and made coffee while listening to the sounds of movement in distant parts of the house. As the aroma of the coffee became stronger the closer the sounds came and more activity could be heard. 

The first to actually stumble into the kitchen was Andy, whose form Molly h ad seen sleeping in the chair. From there a steady stream of people walked in. A couple soon left for home to catch some sleep and freshen up before returning that night. It still left a kitchen full of people, including Mindy, Jeremy, and James. All took turns marveling at Molly’s chipperness and she replied she simply didn’t drink as much as they had. 

“Oh, don’t let her tell you that,” Richard answered with a mischievous grin. “I found her sleeping outside this morning.”

Shocked faces turned back toward Molly. “Where?” Mindy asked.

“On the loungers,” Richard answered. “Now that’s pretty drunk.” He started laughing as Molly ran over and playfully started hitting him. “I took her to feed the chickens and tend the sheep to help her sober up."

“Ha ha, very funny,” Molly answered. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what are the plans for today?”

“Recuperating,” Jeremy grumbled. He’d looked the most hung over of the lot. 

“Horseback riding,” Mindy answered. 

“Puttering about in the garage,” Richard added. 

“Sounds like fun,” Molly replied. “I’ll have to decide what to do later. In the meantime, I’m going to catch a nap.” 

“You do look a little tired,” Mindy told her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t get a lot of sleep. I’ll be okay.” 

“Have a good sleep,” Richard announced as Molly left the kitchen. 

But just as the others thought Molly was out of earshot she heard Richard say, “It’s not good. She’s not okay.”

“Dreams?” James asked. 

“Yeah,” Richard answered. 

“Damn,” Jeremy replied. “Considering what happened, that shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“Not to mention what she’d been through before,” James added. 

“What can we do to help her?” Mindy asked. 

“It sounds terrible, but I think we need to not ‘help’,” Richard answered. “She already feels like we’re minding her. I think we need to let her sort this out. We just need to keep the lines of communication open and if she feels like talking, be a sympathetic ear.”

“Well, thanks for trying this morning,” Andy replied. “Maybe this weekend in the country will help her get her bearings.” 

Molly shut her eyes quickly before tears could well up in them. So this morning had been all about her gauging her state of mind. She’d been lured in, opened herself up to him, and all of it had only been a way to report back to everyone how she was really doing. So what had everything else been about? Had he been playing her longer than she suspected now? She’d feared rejection, feared patronizing, but not that he would simply take advantage—Richard wasn’t supposed to be that way. Molly walked quickly back to her room, shut the door, and quietly cried herself to sleep. 

***

Molly awoke a few hours later to a quiet house. She remembered everyone else was going to be out and doing their own thing, so she was alone. When she stepped into the den she saw what had been a glorious morning had turned into a lovely noon and promised an equally lovely afternoon. Deciding it would be too nice to stay in the house, she grabbed the pad of paper on the kitchen counter and wrote

Too nice a day to sit indoors. Going for a walk. Back later.  
\--Molly

Stepping outside, she decided to head in the opposite direction from the one she took that morning. As she passed the garage she heard Jeremy and Richard having a debate worthy of a segment on Top Gear: “No, no, no, Hammond, there’s no way the differential is as good as what you find on any Mercedes, much less the new models.” “Oh come on, you know how good this car really is.” “Yes I know about this car because you own it, and any car you own is automatically rubbish.” It would have been fun to continue to eavesdrop on the conversation, but Molly really didn’t want to encounter Richard, so she walked away. She let her mind wander as she walked through the fields into the trees until she got tired and sat under a tree to really think about things. 

When she’d gone to sleep she had been at least a little angry at everyone. It was clear to her they could count on Richard to get information out of her. They wanted to manage her, not trusting her to deal with her own situation. She knew their hearts were in the right place, but the lack of trust hurt. But sitting under the trees, she realized the one she really needed to be angry at was Richard alone. He was the one using her attraction for him to get what he wanted. It felt like a personal betrayal. Had they simply had sex with each other and then he didn’t want to remember her name the next day, it could hardly have hurt more. 

A cold wind broke Molly’s concentration. It had been warm when she left the house, warm with a few clouds. But now, looking up, Molly noticed the sky had grown ominously dark, a nearly purple sky she’d only seen a few times. Then came thunder and lightning. Storms this severe were supposed to be unusual in England, and this one looked like it was brewing up to be a good old-fashioned springtime Southern storm. That brought Molly up cold. Summer storms in the South were loud and had plenty of lightning, but at least in Georgia they didn’t usually get truly scary. Spring storms were a different animal. And she was outdoors and not sure exactly where she was.

***

“God above!” James shouted as he walked in, arms loaded with groceries. He walked into the kitchen to see everyone in various stages of dryness. “What the hell is going on?” 

“The radio is reporting severe storms for the area,” Mindy said. “Nobody will be sleeping out on the patio tonight.”

There was a bright flash of lightning with thunder that shook the windows. “Molly would fancy this weather,” James said. “I asked her once what she missed not being in America, and she told me a good, really loud, thunderstorm.” He looked out the window. “Though, granted, she might say with a storm like this, it’s a matter of being careful what you wish for.” 

That got Jeremy to look around. “Where is Molly?” he asked. “Surely she’s not out there?”

Everyone looked at each other. “Did anyone see where she went?” Andy asked. 

“Surely she got to one of the buildings,” Mindy stated. “The garage, or the stable, or the sheep enclosure? At least she’ll be out of the rain.”

“That is true,” Jeremy replied. “And we don’t know which direction she went. So we don’t know which building she might be in.”

“Perhaps we should wait,” James stated. “Storms can pass pretty quickly, so if she’s indoors she’ll make her way directly back when it’s over.” A very bright flash and instant thunder crashing caused everyone to jump away from the patio door. The lights went out. Richard appeared calm, but deep down he was worried. Molly had described the spring storms she sometimes faced in Georgia, and this was clearly shaping up to be one of them. He knew being in the wrong type of building during one of these storms could be a bad idea.

***

Molly left the trees as soon as the lightning started and made her way in a general direction back toward the house. But she’d not paid much attention to her direction while she’d been walking. The rain was coming down in torrential waves, which soaked her through, obscuring visibility. She was hoping, if she couldn’t find the house, she’d stumble upon the garage. Jeremy had been there with Richard earlier—maybe he was still there and they could wait out the storm together.  
Amid the rain and lightning, Molly finally got herself to the garage but it was dark and the doors were locked. The lightning was getting worse and she wanted to get inside in the worst way, so she went along the length of the building, trying to find a forgotten unlocked door. Around the back she found one, going inside and turning on the light. What she saw was a concrete floor, a few plastic chairs, tools, and parts of cannibalized cars. Molly figured it must be the workroom for the for the cars in the showroom on the other side of the building. . it was as good a place as any to sit out the storm. So she pulled up a chair, sat down, and waited, like James thinking she wouldn’t be there long. But when the lights went out and the storms continued Molly realized she might be there for a long time to come, wet and getting cold. And nobody knew quite where she was. 

Two hours into the bad weather, with the lights still out and with intermittent hail. The discussion started again in earnest whether the group in the house should try to look for Molly. Anyone leaving the house would be putting themselves at risk and may not find her in the dark. But by now if Molly had not found shelter, she could be injured, and having just recovered from injuries could be in real trouble. . It was that thought, going into the core of his heart, that spurred Richard into grabbing a flashlight and going out to find her. His first destination was the garage; Richard figured a good idea would be to grab a motorcycle helmet for Molly in case the hail returned. 

In the meantime, Molly was still in the workroom, shivering. She had been soaked to the skin when she found the unlocked door leading her inside, and while she wasn’t getting wet anymore, her clothes felt clammy and heavy, and it was driving down her body temperature. She had made up her mind to make a new run in the general direction of the house, using the lightning if necessary as a way to see. But just before stepping out the door the lightning hit a nearby tree and sheared off one of the large limbs, which feel feet away from her, and she lost her nerve. So there she was, shivering and bored, hoping someone—anyone—would stumble upon her and take her back to the house.

In the dark Molly heard someone fumble for the lock, and suddenly one of the large doors opened. There was Richard, or what in the dark looked like him, who suddenly shined his light on Molly and blocked her vision. “Molly?”

“It’s me,” she announced. 

“Oh thank God,” he replied as he practically ran to her gave her a hug. She shivered in his arms feeling his warmth, forgetting for the time being her anger. “God, you’re freezing,” he whispered. “Are you hurt at all?”

“No,” she answered. “I couldn’t find my way back in the dark.” 

“You were lucky I came here first. I was going to grab a bike helmet for you so if the hail started again...” she shivered in the light, her teeth chattering. “I’m sorry, I should get you back so we can get you warm.” 

“I think that would be good,” Molly replied. Making sure everything was locked, Richard and Molly made a run through the driving rain to the house. If Molly thought she was cold before, it was nothing compared to this last spring. The rain, that had previously been warm was now just above icy. It was almost like being held down in a cold shower when too drunk. 

Finally, Richard and Moly saw a familiar building in the dark—the house. The sliding door opened and Jeremy’s form appeared just inside. “Molly!” In here!” he shouted above the rain, then she heard him hell, “Mindy! They’re back!” Molly and Richard were surrounded by everyone, who were happy they were safe and concerned Molly’s skin felt so cold. Mindy had been thinking ahead—she’d set up candles in both the master and guest bathrooms and trundled Molly and Richard to them to take hot showers and get warm again. In the middle of the shower Molly heard a commotion in the house as the power was restored and everyone set about cooking the long-delayed dinner. 

When Molly finished her shower and cleaned up the bathroom, she darted into her room and dressed in warm, dry clothes. She emerged just in time to bump into Richard, emerging from his room and now freshly dressed. Everyone else was laughing and having fun in the kitchen as they shared in cooking. “Hi, Molly,” Richard grinned. “Feeling better?”

Molly nodded. “Much less like a drowned rat,” she answered, adding a shy grin. Richard’s physical proximity was warming her up internally, in spite of her anger toward him the feeling he’d been using her. 

“Your skin is much warmer than a while ago,” Richard whispered as he held her hand and caressed her fingers. He was trying to fight his temptation of kiss her in that moment; what he wanted was to somehow be as close to her as he could, to feel that thrill of his open soul touching her open soul the way it had that morning. But when he looked into Molly’s eyes ,all he got back was a closed heart. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

She looked him full in the face and gave him an impervious stare, a look he remembered from their first months. “I overhead the conversation this morning,” she whispered, her eyes hard and icy. “I’m not going to say anything to them—they meant well. But your manipulation of my feelings to make me open myself up to you for the sake of giving everyone a sit-rep, will not happen again.” She walked off to join the party in the kitchen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly and Richard patch things up in a big way, and Richard realizes something about himself, and about Molly too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I've given you plenty of angst. Now it's time for sex. LOL

As the storms lightened in intensity, more guests showed up for the party. Instruments were brought out, the drinks flowed, and the music lasted far into the night. Molly and Richard had fun individually at the party, but when Richard would try to catch Molly’s eye she’d turn away from him. He was perplexed—why would Molly think those special moments from that morning were simply some kind of manipulation, especially since she’d know how he felt toward her? The update on her welfare was a separate act to his interaction with her. But how was he ever going to prove it to her?

Molly’s distance continued into the following weeks, and while the bad relations that so marred their beginning were not present, Richard couldn’t penetrate the wall Molly had placed between them. His dreams returned in force, filling him with sadness with the knowledge he’d been so close to these moments for real with her and were now denied. 

During this time Molly moved herself into a furnished flat not far from her previous one. And from all appearances Molly was getting back to normal and progressing with her life. What she didn’t reveal to anyone was the nightmares growing in frequency and detail, leaving her screaming herself awake and some nights unable to sleep at all. She’d started seeing a trauma therapist again, who suggested a complete change in surroundings might be a good idea for her. She kept all of it secret from everyone, because she didn’t want anyone to worry and start micromanaging her life again. But she finally knew she had to talk to Andy Wilman and discuss scenarios. He was sworn to secrecy, but it grieved him to realized he couldn’t even seek the guidance of his best friends, because his friends were also Molly’s friends.

***

One day, during a meeting to discuss segment proposals for the upcoming season, Jeremy made a comment about Molly looking a bit paler than he remembered when she’d had a couple of work days in the Top Gear office. He speculated that perhaps Molly had found a boyfriend who was keeping her awake at night. James was asked what he knew, since it was widely known he had a close friendship, but James had no idea; it added fuel to the fire for their speculation. Deep inside Richard felt a sharp bite of jealousy; he didn’t know if he did indeed have a new lover or not, but if she did, it hurt to realize he might have lost his chance. He decided to take one final shot that night. 

At the end of the meeting Andy asked Richard to stay around. After everyone had left he shut the door. “I wanted to take to you about Molly,” he said. “She’s probably going to kill me for saying anything, but since she’s your PA, I thought it worth telling you…I know why she’s losing sleep.” 

Richard was intrigued. “Yes?”

Andy sighed. “Her nightmares after the incident have gotten worse,” he reported. “She came and told me because her therapist is suggesting another change might help. Molly might be leaving, Richard.” 

Richard was stunned. “Leaving? But she’s never mentioned that to me.”

“What about Mindy?” Andy asked. 

“No,” Richard answered. “Mindy’s on that three-week cruise with her mother and the girls.” 

Andy sighed. “I was afraid of that,” he muttered. “Molly has apparently told no one because she didn’t want anyone worrying. You know how she’s been about us acting too much like nursemaids to her. But I suspect another reason as well.”

“Another reason?”

“When I asked Molly if she’d mentioned leaving to you, she got a deeply pained expression on her face,” Andy replied. “I didn’t really consider anything until a little while ago. When Jezza mentioned wondered if Molly had taken up with someone new, I saw the same pained expression in your eyes. I hate to ask, Richard, but have you and Molly been seeing each other?”

“No,” Richard answered firmly. “But…” he added, his voice growing soft, “I am attracted to her. Considering my dreams, I’m probably in love with her. And I suspect she may have the same feelings for me. At least I have hoped for it.” 

Andy sighed. “Well, I’m not your nanny,” he responded evenly. I’m sure you’ve thought about the consequences of whatever choices you make. But I will say this: if anything is going to happen, it might be best for it to happen now, while Mindy and the kids are on holiday, and for it to be done before they return. And then never mentioned again.” Richard left the office, knowing what he was going to do next. 

He hoped he wasn’t too late. 

***

Molly settled down to a salad, comfortable in the knowledge she was done with work for the night. Richard had been in meetings all day, therefore no calls or email from him. Molly was starting to miss Richard terribly. There had been a short time where they would simply talk to each other. Richard would ask her questions about American and Molly wouldn’t feel nearly so uncultured and backwards answering his questions than she did many times during her time in England. And then there was the weekend party where she allowed herself to feel the best she’s ever felt and then had the rug yanked from under her. But it seemed to Molly this had been the case since she’d been there. One moment the best, the very next moment the worst. 

There was a knock at the door. When she saw Richard, for a few seconds she wondered if this was a good or bad moment. ‘You’re leaving?” he asked as soon as she opened the door. 

“Hello to you too,” Molly stated. “Come in.”

Richard entered and no sooner had Molly close the door behind him he turned to face her again and repeated, “You’re leaving” You’re leaving, Molly?”

Molly sighed. “I’m going to kill Andy Wilman,” she muttered. “I don’t know if I’m leaving, yet. It’s not like I’m pouring over offers at the moment.”

But why didn’t you tell me?” Richard demanded. “You’re my PA, for God’s sake! Don’t I deserve to know?”

Molly crossed her arms and stared at him. “You deserve to know things when I have something to tell you,” she replied firmly. “Until then, it’s my life and I deserve some privacy in what I choose to do. Now, if that’s all you wish to ask me…” she started to escort Richard toward the door.

“Wait, wait,” Richard pleaded. “Molly, let’s talk, please. Please.” Molly stopped. “Molly, let’s talk,” he repeated gently. “I want to know what’s going on with you, and I don’t want to find it out from others.” Richard watched Molly’s head drop and turn from him, and he knew she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know what’s happened between us of late to make you no longer trust me,” he said to her, “but I’d like to try and fix it, If I can. Can we?”

“I don’t know,” Molly whispered. She looked at him, her cheeks wet. “Part of me wants that. But the other part fears to trust you,” Molly sat on the couch. 

“But why?” Richard asked. “What did I say or do to make you lose faith in me, when you had it before?”

“You know why,” Molly answered. “I had opened myself up to you completely. You got me to admit I had feelings for you when you know how terrified I’d been to do that. So we came back to the house and I went to go back to sleep a while, and what did I hear? What were the first words I head from your mouth the second you thought I was out of earshot? You were giving a report to everyone else about me, about my well-being. I felt like everything that had happened between us that morning was some kind of ploy to get me to talk to you.”

“But it wasn’t, Molly,” Richard argued. “It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now. The two events are not related.” Richard grabbed her hands and held them. “Think back to that moment during the first party, when we truly saw each other for the first time,” he tenderly implored. “Then look into my eyes and see it reflected back to you. He patiently watched as Molly’s face softened and a new glow appeared in her eyes, one Richard had not seen there in weeks. “You have my heart, Molly Sullivan,” he whispered. “You always have.” Richard leaned over and kissed her, his tongue exploring her mouth casually, Molly accepting the kiss, repositioning herself, drawing him deeper. Her arms slipped around his neck, one hand resting against the back of his head. Richard wrapped his arms around her body, hands resting on her back. His lips moved to her ear, planting small kisses on her lobe, feeling Molly shiver as the warm breath from his nose blew softly inside. I tiny moan escaped from molly as Richard left a trail of kisses down the side of her neck, interspersed with flicks from the tip of his tongue. He licked along Molly’s collarbone to the base of her throat, then back up to end in another full, deep kiss. As Richard kissed her he unbuttoned Molly’s blouse as he shrugged off his jacket. Suddenly he felt Molly stiffen and pull away. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“You may not like what you see,” Molly answered softly. “The scars from the gunshot are fresh. The scar along my scalp is covered by hair. But if I’m naked you’ll see my shoulder.”

“And I won’t care, love,” Richard answered. “It’s okay.” Gently he took his fingers and slowly removed Molly’s blouse. The scar where the bullet entered was quite pink and visible, and Roger knew if he looked he’d find a matching scar on her back where the bullet exited. The scar was partially covered by the strap of Molly’s bra, holding an ample but proportional bust. Her skin was flawless and glowed like fine china. “Scar or no scar,” he whispered, “you are far more lovely than I’ve ever dreamt.” He pulled her back toward him and kissed neck as he unclasped her bra and freed her breasts. Before, on Molly’s birthday, he’d felt her breast through her clothes and could only guess at her size. Now he could see them in all their glory and felt himself growing hard in his jeans. 

As Richard lowered Molly to lie flat on the sofa, se reached down and began to feel his bulge. The sensation for Richard caused him to gasp and suddenly made his jeans feel very uncomfortable. Seeing his expression change, Molly sat up and helped Richard unbutton the top of his jeans and unzip the fly. She reached inside and stroked his erection directly, her feather-soft touch sending tingles through his body. “Oh God…” he moaned as his eyes closed and a shiver ran through him. Molly grinned with satisfaction at the knowledge she could make a man feel so much; Roger had never shown much pleasure, and the guys she dated after Roger had never gotten this far with her. Richard’s eyes opened and he saw her grin. “Oh, you very naughty girl!” he gasped, his voice full of desire. Molly helped Richard quickly remove his shirt, which she followed with light kisses down his neck to his nipples, which she licked and teased until Richard was nearly driven frantic. Then she started lower, kissing and licking down his stomach. 

Panting, Richard grabbed Molly and pulled her up to face him. “I’m not going to last long if I let you go there,” he ground out. He took the opportunity to push her flat onto the sofa again, repeating what Molly did to him on her breasts. Richard kissed his way down her stomach, removing her sweatpants and panties. Her scent was rising up to meet him, a perfume warm and musky that he reached down to taste as Molly’s hands tangled in his hair. He took a glance up at her as she moaned and writhed, lost in pleasure, and he couldn’t believe how remarkably beautiful she looked at that moment. 

As Molly’s breathing got quicker and Richard could tell she was close to a climax, Richard managed to get his jeans off and kicked them to the floor. “Ohh…Rich…” Molly cried out breathlessly, then as she came her back arched and a loud moan escaped her, and it went on for a long time. Richard kissed his way back up Molly’s body, ending with a deep kiss. 

Molly broke the kiss and affectionately stroked the side of Richard’s face. His eyes appeared very dark. “It’s okay,” she whispered to him as he entered her. Richard was still and waited for Molly’s internal muscles to adjust to him. She felt so warm surrounding his cock, it was hard for Richard to fight the urge to just drive as hard as he could and get off. But he didn’t want that, not really. He wanted it to last awhile. He started to thrust slowly, with Molly’s sighs and breathless coos registering her pleasure. He would pause, kissing Molly deeply as her hands explored his body. His sense of touch was amplified, so Molly’s hands on his skin, not to mention being inside her, was close to pushing him into sensory overload. As Richard continued to thrust, Molly’s legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him deeper, her voice growing deeper and richer, her moaning increasing. As another orgasm swept over Molly, it became more than Richard could withstand. He came hard, his body rocked by spasms of ecstasy, his release causing him to cry out, struggling to say conscious. 

When Richard’s senses cleared he was still perched on top of Molly—how did he manage to not collapse and crush her under his weight? He wondered. Molly was looking up at him, stroking his face gently, whispering soothing words in a deep voice infused with calm and sexual satisfaction and womanly essence. He was trembling. Richard kissed her as he felt his strength leaving, rolling to the side, pulling Molly with him. Her head came to rest on his shoulder. “Sorry, honey,” he whispered. “I just couldn’t last very long.” 

Molly looked at Richard in surprise. “That wasn’t lasting?” she replied. “I was thinking for a moment you’d pushed yourself too far.” 

“I’d want to last forever with you,” he answered back. “All the things I could to do you. You deserve that.” A yawn escaped and he felt sheepish. 

Molly got up and took him by the hand. “Come on,” she told him. “The couch isn’t a comfy place for a nap if two are trying to lie on it at the same time.” Molly led him to the bedroom and stretched out on the bed. No sooner had Richard stretched out beside her than he fell asleep. 

***

Richard woke up and saw a plate of fruit, crackers and cheese on the nightstand. The lamp was on and night had fallen. He glanced over and saw Molly sitting in an armchair, wearing a bathrobe and grinning. “Hi,” he said to her with a warm smile. “What are you doing over there?”

“Watching you sleep,” Molly answered. “You really wore yourself out earlier.” 

“How long was I asleep?” 

“A couple of hours. And I slept for an hour myself.” A high-pitched whistle came into the room from the kitchen. “The kettle is on. Would you like some tea?”  
“I’d love some, thank you.” Molly left for the kitchen and a few minutes later returned with two mugs. “Oh yeah, just what I needed,” Richard said after a couple of swallows. He looked over at Molly, drinking her own tea beside him and smiled. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Wow,” Molly answered, “if bringing you tea is all I needed to do for that response, I would have brought you tea in those first couple of months.” 

Richard chuckled. “I always thought you were gorgeous,” he told her. “I wasted a lot of time resenting what you meant, and it kept me from appreciating a truly gorgeous woman. Not just the physical—your mind, your strength, your frailty, your humor, your pride. All of it.” He sighed. “And now I’m possibly going to have you slip away from me.”

Molly put down her empty cup. “But I don’t know if that will happen,” she countered. “it was a suggestion my therapist made. And there are no current offers. So I can easily say no.” she ran a hand through Richard’s hair affectionately. “But let’s not worry about that. Let’s try to focus on right now. And right now you’ve made me as happy as I’ve been in a long time.” She wrapped her arms around him and gave a soft kiss. “Now,” Molly told him as she reached for the plate, “I want you to eat something. After all that activity earlier you need to refuel.”

***

Light. Music. Warm sun. Richard and Molly lay together on fragrant grass as soft as a bed. Molly was looking at him with her clear blue-gray eyes and a relaxed smile. “I always knew how it would be,” she said to him tenderly. 

“You were always a dream,” Richard said to her, his thumb trailing along her cheek. “And now you’re here and you’re real.” 

“Only as real as you want to handle,” Molly replied. “In your dreams I am yours alone. To make me real, you risk sharing me with others. And I could always leave you.” To Richard’s astonishment, Molly suddenly vanished. 

Richard snapped awake to find himself in Molly’s bedroom and she was peacefully sleeping next to him. He sighed with relief when he recognized the source of his dream—the earlier conversation of Molly’s potential departure. It happened to him sometimes, where an earlier remark or event would become the source of a dream later; he recalled a time where James told a story about a friend skinny dipping in the River Avon, followed by Jeremy proposing a test drive of the new McLaren for the show, and that night he dreams of a challenge where all three had to race cars naked. Richard tried not to laugh so Molly could sleep. He was happy enough to laugh, and he wondered at that. He thought if he’d ever cheated on Mindy the guilt alone would kill him. It’s not been like Richard and Mindy were having any problems. So, why was he so blissfully happy with no regrets over what he’d done? Because deep down inside Richard knew a fundamental truth: Mindy was the woman of his reality, the one he’d love for the next 50 years, who shared life with him on a farm in Wales, who stood by him and fought for him for four months while his brain healed from crashing upside down at 250 mph. Molly was the woman of his dreams, light and music made at least temporarily into flesh, an angelic being run to ground who will eventually find a new set of wings and soar away back into dreams. His love for Molly was no less full, no less meaningful, than his love for Mindy. He simply knew with Molly it would never be his to hold onto forever. 

Richard reached down and kissed the top of Molly’s head gently. In her sleep, Molly sighed contentedly and snuggled closer. He smiled—there would be no regret in him for loving this woman, no matter how long he actually had her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A job offer threatens to change everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a true story: I wrote Molly's line about what she said of having the right love at the wrong time. And as soon as I wrote it I realized it really is the opening line of a Barry Manilow song. It's called "Somewhere Down the Road" if you want to check it out. A good song, strangely fitting.
> 
> It's a bit of a short chapter to end my posting on for a bit, but I promise you will get more from me soon.

A couple of days later Molly was in the Top Gear office when she was called to the floor where the BBC managers were. She was upstairs for well over an hour, long enough for Jeremy, James, and Andy to wonder if something was wrong. When the elevator doors opened and she finally emerged, Molly looked to be stunned.  
“Molly, what’s wrong?” Jeremy asked. He noticed she’d gone pale and her eyes were almost too bright. 

“Where’s Richard?” Molly asked faintly. 

“He left half an hour ago to film the Porsche drive,” Andy answered.

“Maybe you should sit down, Molly,” Jeremy stated, leading her over to her desk. “You were upstairs a long time. What happened?”

“Uh…” Molly took a deep breath. “You’re not going to believe this…I got an offer to join BBC America.” 

All three stood a moment in utter silence. Then they began talking all at once: “Really?” “Oh Molly, congratulations!” “Fantastic news!” 

“When do they want you to start?” Andy asked. 

Molly took a deep breath. “Well, they’d want me to start in about two weeks, but they also said to take a few days to consider since it’s a big decision. And it would involve moving back to America.” Molly shook her head. “I can’t believe it,” she said halfway to herself. James caught a strange look in Molly’s eyes and realized Molly wasn’t entirely happy.

“I think maybe we should let Molly do some processing of things,” James suggested. “This is a big decision.”

Jeremy nodded. “It is,” he agreed. “You know, if you need some guidance you can come to any of us and ask.” 

“I know,” Molly nodded. 

“Well, I need to get back to cracking the whip,” Andy stated. “Remember guys, segment meeting at 9:00 tomorrow.” Molly typed the meeting into Richard’s schedule.  
“See you later Andy,” Jeremy called after him. “Okay, I have some writing to do, then I’m heading to the pub. Want to join for a pint, May?”

“Sure,” James answered. “Call when you’re ready.” Jeremy walked away and James turned to face Molly. She was lost in thought, but there was a definite sadness in her glance. James pulled up a chair and sat next to her. “Molly, talk to me,” he said gently. “What’s wrong?”

Molly sighed. “James, it’s all so complicated,” she whispered. “It’s a wonderful offer, and part of me says going back home would be the best for me.” She smiled, but James could see the tears threatening. “you know I’ve always felt so uncivilized, and so uncultured and backward since I’ve been here. But…” she let out a shaky breath and a single tear fell down her cheek. “I guess I found the right love at the wrong time.” She chuckled sadly. “God, that’s the opening line of a Barry Manilow song.” 

James couldn’t help but smile. “And leaving would force you to give that up,” he replied, turning serious again. Molly nodded. “Oh Molly...” He took her hands into his. “I know how tough things have been on you. I might be the only one of our group who knows so much. But you shouldn’t stay simply because you’re in love. If you stay, it should be because your life here will be so much better than what taking the new job would give you.” James gave her a slight grin. “I think you should talk things over with this man you love,” he said. “My bet is, if he’s a healthy person, he would tell you to decide on what will be better for you, and that sometimes the deepest love is shown by letting go.” 

Molly sniffled. “It’s not fair, James,” she said. “I waited for this one to tell me I had his heart. And he finally tells me. And now I have to decide between him and a new opportunity.” 

“I know,” James kissed her hands. “It wasn’t far you ran afoul of a man who abused you. And it wasn’t fair for him to come here and hurt you more. But you and I know life isn’t always fair. I think all we can hope for is to be good people despite it, and hope it all balances out in the end.”

Molly grinned sadly. “You know what sucks even more?” she asked. James shook his head. “That in leaving I’d give up the sweetest friend I’ve ever had.” She kissed him on the cheek.

James smiled and tapped the quartz heart she had around her neck. “So says the woman who wears her heart outside her body.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard finds out about Molly's job offer, and gets to experience how bad her nightmares have gotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away. Having a writing attack. 
> 
> A slight warning: given what we've been experiencing in America recently, the end of the chapter does predict a workplace shooting (Molly's nightmare, btw). If you are sensitive to such things I beg pardon.

“When are you supposed to give them an answer?” Richard asked Molly as he brought her a cup of herbal tea. As soon as he’d arrived at her flat following the night testing of the Porsche, he’d seen her bright eyes and immediately wrapped her in her quilt and pressed a cold cloth to the forehead. From there Molly told Richard about the meeting and the job offer. 

“A few days,” Molly answered. “Richard, really, it’s only stress. I’ve been looking like this all day. I think Jeremy thought I’d seen a ghost when I stepped off the elevator.” 

“Don’t argue,” Richard answered firmly. “This is potentially a major life change. Getting overstressed during times like this can drive down your defenses and make you sick. So you’re staying wrapped up and keeping the cloth on your forehead.”

Molly sipped her tea. “Are you managing me, Rich?” she asked calmly, though he could hear the irritation in her voice. 

“Hardly,” Richard answered. “Because I know you don’t like that.” He gave her a wide smile and Molly realized she wasn’t going to be able to stay mad at him for long. Richard sat by her on the couch and faced her. “Molly, love, whatever you decide on this has to be your choice alone. You have to decide what is going to be better for you overall. I could make this decision for you, but chances are it would be a selfish one and not necessarily the right one.”

“So, staying might be the right choice,” Molly said almost to herself. “My dreams could stop….” She finished her tea. “I could….uh….” She stared at the cup, then at Richard. “I know I said I wanted to dissolve the sleeping pill in my tea, but…how much did you give me?” she asked. 

Richard blinked. “One pill,” he answered simply. “Why?”

“Oh no,” she whispered. “You didn’t read the bottle?” Richard shook his head. “I’m not used to these yet. It says on the bottle to take one half for the first couple of weeks.” Richard managed to rescue Molly’s cup as her arm dropped. He put it onto the end table, then lifted her from the sofa and carried her into the bedroom.

“I’m so sorry, Molly,” he explained, unsure if she could hear him. “I didn’t mean to give you so much, but you need to sleep so you don’t make yourself sick.” He deposited Molly on the bed and gently stroked her forehead. She was quite warm. “You’ll feel better in the morning, I promise.” 

***

Richard lay next to Molly in the dark, watching her sleep. As he had predicted the longer she slept the lower her fever dropped. Richard knew her well enough now to realize Molly’s internal engine was as finely balanced as a Ferrari, and if it was too far off-kilter she couldn’t run properly. Wrong time to make major decisions affecting the rest of her life. But the way she was currently sleeping, he knew Molly would be in much better shape to consider things tomorrow. 

Richard had desperately wanted to give Molly his opinion on whether she should accept the new job. He’d wanted to be selfish and beg her to stay. He knew in reality things would soon be over between him and Molly—she would never want to be a girl on the side. But he was hoping against hope that she would want to stay as his P.A., that he could be near the angel and be more than a mere a dream. At this time of night, the craziest fantasies had the ability to appear possible. 

He watched as Molly’s sleeping face became troubled. Her breathing started to change and a sound like a whimper escaped. Richard stroked Molly’s temple gently and whispered, “You’re safe, Molly, it’s okay.” But his comfort didn’t help. Amid her whimpers, Richard could words: “No…run…please…oh God…” Her legs moved slightly as if she were attempting to run. Richard tried to wake her—it was clear she was having a nightmare, and it was becoming a bad one. But it was like Molly couldn’t hear him. Molly began sobbing, and it broke Richard’s heart to watch her suffering. If Molly’s been having this kind of nightmare since her birthday and everything that happened, he could understand why she was in therapy. 

Suddenly Molly cried out, “Roger, don’t! No!” and she began screaming. Richard shook Molly hard to wake her, his heart tearing itself nearly to pieces. When she opened her eyes and found herself in bed, Richard next to her, slightly freaked out, she began crying hysterically. 

“it’s okay, Molly, you’re safe now,” Richard tried to comfort her. He picked her up and held her, feeling her trembling uncontrollably. “You’re alright now, love,” he whispered, rocking her. “Calm down. Shh…shh…” It was at this moment a sad realization came to him: to keep her here would destroy her. He would rather Molly leave him and fly away than watch her slowly die from the inside.   
He had to let her leave. 

***

 

“Why do I have to sit in on this segment meeting, Richard?” Molly whined. “I’m still groggy. You gave me too much of the sleeping pill.” They were riding upstairs in the BBC elevator and they were alone. Molly had a fleeting thought of stopping it between floors and giving Richard a treat, but she was just too sleepy. 

“Oh come on,” Richard argued. “How can one of those tiny pills be too much?”

“Because I’m new to taking them,” Molly argued back. “I was told to only take half at first. She leaned back against the elevator wall and shut her eyes. 

“Sorry, love,” Richard answered. “I promise as soon as the meeting is over, I’ll take you home and put you back to bed.” He leaned in and whispered, “and once you’re fully awake, I will do all sorts of wonderful things to your body, and wear you out so you’ll sleep all through the night.”

“I like the sound of that,” Molly answered. The doors opened onto the floor and the exited, heading for Andy’s office. It was officially Andy’s office, but Andy only ever used it for meetings—he preferred to be in the middle of things. Molly grabbed some tea and took her seat near the door. 

The meeting lasted awhile, and between the medication and sheer boredom Molly was having a hard time staying awake. She was feeling safe and warm, like she was somewhere else feeling that way and it was creeping up to here in Andy’s office with people she adored. 

There was a loud sound that made everyone jump. “Was that a gunshot?” Jeremy asked quietly. There was another sound, followed by the sounds of people screaming. Molly and Richard looked directly at each other and knew.   
“You’re safe, Molly, it’s okay,” Richard mouthed to her. But she could see his eyes and she knew they were certainly not safe. 

There were more shots, followed by more screams. Then came a voice: “Molly! Molly Sullivan!” 

Molly’s eyes grew wide. “No,” she whimpered. “He’s found me.”

James pulled Molly down to the floor “We’re going to protect you,” he told her. “We promised we would and we will.” 

“James, you all need to run,” Molly pleaded. “He’ll kill all of you.” 

“We won’t let him hurt you,” Jeremy told her firmly. 

More shots, more screaming. The voice calling for Molly closer. “Please!” she hissed through clenched teeth. Before she could say anything else there were several thuds on the door. As the doorknob was obliterated with the next gunshot, Richard covered Molly’s body with his as Jeremy, James, and Andy surrounded them, forming a shield. 

The door burst open and the gunman called out, “Molly Sullivan!” It was Roger.

“What do you want with her?” Andy demanded. 

“For her to watch you die.” Richard pushed Molly’s head down and covered her so she wouldn’t see what happened next. But she heard it. Shots. Multiple shots. She heard Andy and James and Jeremy fall. 

“Oh God!” Molly sobbed into the carpet. She began struggling under Richard’s weight, trying to force him off so she could run. 

“No, Molly, no!” Richard pleaded, fighting to hold he down and protect her. 

“Don’t worry, Molly,” Roger said, pointing the gun at Richard. “All going to be over soon…” 

Molly looked up in time to see the gun go off. “Roger, don’t! No!” she screamed. Richard suddenly went limp and she knew he was dead. Roger pointed the gun at her and all she could do was scream.   
She felt herself being shaken hard and she opened her eyes, realizing she’d been screaming out loud. She saw Richard looking panicked and heartbroken and she started to cry. And once she started she couldn’t stop. Richard picked her up and held her, rocking her in his arms, trying to make the demons go away. But somewhere in that horrible night, as the man she lobed tried to make those monsters leave her alone, Molly came to a horrifying conclusion: that her therapist was right, and the first thing she had to do to put those monsters back where they belonged was to leave the place where they were around every corner, behind every tree, and under the bed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Molly makes a decision

“Hammond!” Are you paying attention?” Jeremy demanded. 

Richard opened one eye in Jeremy’s direction. “Yep,” he answered. “You were talking about what kind of forms we’d need to fill out for the State Department to film in America for next series, and then in the middle of all that you started talking about blowjobs on hedgehogs.” He looked up to see Jeremy, Andy, and James staring in shock. “Am I right?”

“Uh, yeah…” Jeremy answered. “As long as you were paying attention. It was clear Richard had not slept, and he looked like shit. Jeremy didn’t know why, and Andy only had a suspicion that he refused to discuss as to why Richard looked like he’d aged ten years. But James knew. He knew Richard had spent the night with Molly because he recognized the same look from himself the nights he’d been up comforting her after a nightmare. He must have gone to see her, Molly had informed him of the job offer in New York, and somehow he’d ended up staying and having a very rough night. James felt sad for her. Like Richard, James knew about how stress Molly physically, and like Richard he knew this was the wrong set of conditions for Molly to make the decision she faced. 

“Richard, are you going to even try to drive home?” Jeremy asked. “Because, mate, I don’t think you’d make it. You’re a shit driver wide awake, so one imagines how you’d be with no sleep.” 

A tired grin crept across Richard’s face. “Yeah, thanks for that,” he replied. 

“You can use my spare room tonight, Hamster,” James offered. 

“Maybe you should grab a nap,” Andy suggested. “We’re done with this meeting, anyway.”   
“Did we get anything accomplished?” Richard yawned. 

“No,” Andy answered.

“So in other words, it was a successful meeting,” Jeremy laughed. 

“Just trundle Hammond back to his office, let him sleep a bit, then drive him home,” Andy grumbled affectionately.

James and Jeremy followed Richard back to his office and noticed Molly wasn’t at her desk. Richard usually insisted she attend segment meetings, especially if long-distance shoots were involved. “I gave Molly a day off,” Richard explained. “She had a terrible nightmare. It took me all night to calm her down.” Richard saw James’ and Jeremy’s faces change and realized he let something very big slip. Richard ran his hand over his face. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath. “I guess I have to tell you something. Come in, and shut the door.”

Richard sat on the couch while James and Jeremy sat in chairs. “So, how long have you and Molly…” Jeremy began. 

“Not long,” Richard answered. “It’s been building up to this for awhile.”

“Who else knows?” Jeremy asked quietly. He was seeing a potential disaster brewing. 

Richard looked directly at him. “I’ve not told anyone else,” he stated firmly. “Andy suspects, he’s noticed an attraction between us. But Molly and I together is a pretty new thing. Except…it’s not quite.”

Jeremy cocked his head in confusion. “Now, what in the name of Zeus’ butthole does that mean?” 

Richard paused a moment. “The night of Molly’s birthday, the night Roger shot her,” he began, “we were going to..uh…except Roger was waiting. It didn’t happen, but it nearly did.” 

Jeremy nodded. “The night you told me in the hospital what you felt for her,” he said gently.”

“So this isn’t some dalliance?” James asked. “You’re not just fucking her?”

“No,” Richard answered softly, “and thank you so much for putting it that way.” 

“Hey, I had to know,” James replied, a serious look on his face. “Because I know she loves you and I don’t want her heart to get broken by someone just using her.”

“Because I know you love her too,” Richard said to James. “You’re as deeply in love with her as I am.” James said nothing, but Richard could see his blue eyes soften. “And now we’re going to lose her.”

“Has Molly taken the job?” Jeremy asked. 

“Not yet,” Richard answered. But you didn’t see what I saw last night, Jezza. Oh God, it was heartrending.” Richard closed his eyes so his friends couldn’t see the tears threatening to form. “She needs to leave this place. I’m afraid if she stays the trauma of what happened will cause her to die from the inside out.”

“What about simply moving her to the countryside?” Jeremy suggested. “We’ve all noticed she’s a different person away from London. If everything in London is reminding her of that bastard—“ 

James shook his head. “It’s not just locations, it’s us,” he answered sadly. “She was having nightmares at Hammond’s place, and that was before the attack. She’s going to need to leave us to get better, I’m afraid.”

“Well now this completely fucking sucks,” Jeremy grumbled. “It’s bad enough for Hammond to be all puppy-dog over Molly, I have to deal with you, too, May! If she goes, I’m going to have to deal with both you hanging by me all day getting all weepy!” James and Richard both grinned to themselves, knowing this was Jeremy’s own way of saying how much he liked Molly, too. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”

“Just what we’re doing, I guess,” James answered. “Letting Molly make this decision herself. And,” he whispered, “getting the hell out of here and letting him sleep.” Jeremy looked over at Richard, and this time there was no question on whether he was asleep or not—he was. For half a second Jeremy was tempted to suggest a prank to James they could play, but thought better of it; he wasn’t in the mood to hit Richard while he was down. So he and James tiptoed out of Richard’s office and closed the door.

***

Molly woke up to a quiet flat. Last night had been the worst of the nightmares, leaving her hysterical and near a nervous breakdown. Richard tried his best to calm her down—bless him—but she could only sleep in fits and starts afterward. And every time she would snap awake, Richard would be awake beside her, whispering words of comfort, gently touching her, kissing her forehead gently. She finally drifted to sleep at dawn, but she doubted Richard got any sleep at all. 

Molly sat up and looked around. Amazing how she’d gotten used to Richard being present constantly, she thought. All that time of him coming by her flat, speaking to her on the phone, occasional suppers discussing work, and in just a few days after everything had changed he’d established permanence. It was a thrillingly terrifying sensation. 

She looked over to the lamp and found a note: 

_Saw your schedule—segment meeting this morning. You’re staying home to rest, so don’t let me catch you working. I need to spend tonight and tomorrow at the farm, but you can call me._

_Take Care—_  
_Rich_

Molly admired that Richard chose to write a note instead of an email, somehow to her it made things personal. She was disappointed he would not be with her tonight or tomorrow, but at least it would give her time to think.

She spent a normal day off—light housework, fetching the mail, trip to Tesco’s for groceries, watching a movie—and she thought about what to do.

The offer to join BBC America was lucrative, and they wanted her. She would be in New York City. It would be a different environment, which her therapist recommended to help turn off the nightmares. Or at least to slow them down. But it would mean leaving London, leaving the people she loved at Top Gear, leaving Richard. 

Richard presented a series of issues. He was married and he loved his wife—she could see the way he looked at Mindy, could hear how his voice would change when he spoke about her. Molly knew Richard wasn’t seeking her out because he was unhappy. But Molly also could see into Richard’s eyes when he would look at her. And she knew what she felt for him. It was something she had wanted for a long time, what nobody had been willing to give her. Certainly not Roger. Roger had even tried to remove it from her. Richard wanted to give it. But because Roger never wanted her to find love, she knew she needed to aspire for better. Somehow Molly had found a man who was truly capable of being in love with two women at the same time, and when Mindy returned from her cruise Richard was going to have to choose. Mindy had the advantage there because he loved her, had children he’d give his life for, a home life as natural to him as breathing. The best she could hope for would be the one on the side, and that could not—should not—be good enough. But how could she give up love? The only man who’d ever expressed an interest in giving it to her? 

That night, Molly’s thoughts before going to sleep were of Richard and the special way he would look at her, the feeling of peace she felt in his arms after making love. It was a series of good thoughts to sleep and dream to. But the nightmare that invaded her sleep later destroyed any happy thought. She awoke in the dark, temporarily unable to make out where she was, terrified the dream wasn’t quite over. A few minutes of lying in the dark, trembling with fear, trying to calm her breathing, told her she was indeed awake. 

The realization she’d come to the night before came back to her—she would never get better as along as she stayed here. She would never survive the nightmares—they would drive her insane, eventually make her destroy herself just to make them stop. And she would have to drive away those she loved in the process. 

Molly glanced at the clock. 4:30 AM. She wanted to badly to call someone to comfort her, but at this hour it would be alarming. She would have to call Andy and let him know of her decision, but she’d have to wait to call New York. Then it would be a matter of breaking it to Jeremy and James. 

And Richard. 

***

James sighed. “I was afraid it would come to this,” he said softly. 

Andy nodded. “Yeah, I was too. But you didn’t hear Molly on the phone this morning. It’s becoming necessary for her to leave.” 

“Have you called Hammond?” Jeremy asked. “He’d need to know.”

“No,” Andy said. “Molly said she wanted to be the one to tell him. Now, one thing she wanted to make sure of is that we don’t get all maudlin around here. She said it’s hard enough as it is and couldn’t handle everyone getting depressed over it.” 

“But it’s perfectly okay for us to get depressed when she’s not here?” James asked, sourly. 

“Guys, I like her too,” Andy interjected. “I don’t want her to go. But she feels like she needs to, for her own reasons. We need to support those reasons. And we may end up having to be there for Richard, too.” He paused for a moment. “You know he’s in love with Molly.” 

Jeremy nodded. “He told you?”

“In so many words,” he answered. “Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. He won’t have to choose between Molly and his family.”

James went quiet and stayed quiet. Andy had no idea that Molly’s decision had broken his heart as well.

***

Richard spent the day at home working on his farm. He’d spent the night at James’ in a full-scale crash until 5 the next morning, then drove to his house and set to work. He’d checked his messages a couple of times but otherwise kept off the phone. It was later in the day, nearly sundown, when he checked his messages the final time. 

He got a voicemail from Molly: “Hey Richard, I need to talk to you,” she said, and the tone of her voice held a barely restrained emotion. “I’ve made a decision, but I’d rather tell you in person. “Can you please come over?”

He called her. “Hi, Molly.” He swallowed hard. 

“Hi,” she whispered. “Did you sleep?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “And I had a long day on the farm. How are you?”

Molly sighed. “I guess you got my message,” she said. “But I’d rather tell you about my decision in person.”

“I know,” he replied. “I’m going to eat and catch some sleep, then I’ll start out for London. With luck we can have breakfast together.”

Molly smiled. “That sounds good. Maybe we can really spend some time together.” 

“I’d love that,” Richard answered. “See you in the morning.” 

He started off at 4 AM and made it just as Molly had showered and changed into daytime wear. It was a 3-day holiday, so this holiday was a perfect opportunity to relax. Molly greeted Richard at the door and he could see she’d managed at least a few hours of sleep. Once he was inside and the door had closed, Richard grabbed Molly in a tight hug and didn’t want to let her go. He pulled back and stared into her eyes. “You took the job?” he asked. Slowly, Molly nodded. “So when do you have to be in New York?”

“I leave next Sunday night,” she whispered. “It’s kind of fitting. That’s when you said Mindy and the girls would be back from the cruise.” Molly’s eyes welled with tears. “I didn’t want to choose this, you know.”

“I know,” Richard answered as he brushed away one tear with this thumb on her cheek. “But you had to choose what would be best for you—“

“The dreams,” Molly whispered. “The awful dreams…I hoped they would go away. But they’ve become worse. I’m not brave enough to endure any more. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Richard replied, giving Molly’s lips a soft kiss. ”And I don’t think you need to prove how brave you are—those of us who know and love you already know that.”

“I am going to miss you so much,” Molly whispered. “And this is the part I hate so much. Because we won’t be around each other anymore.”

“We can still communicate,” Richard grinned. “Believe it or not, it is the 21st century. There are things like phones and email.”

“But it won’t be the same,” Molly argued. “We won’t have this…” she took her hand and let her fingers trace along Richard’s forearm. She could feel him shiver slightly. “We won’t have this…” she gently ran her fingers through his hair; Richard’s eyes closed and he sighed contentedly, enjoying the sensation. “We won’t have this…” She reached up and trapped Richard’s lips with her own. He tongue touched his lips and gently parted them. Richard moaning softly as her tongue entered his mouth and explored. His hands found the sides of his neck and caressed his skin. Richard pulled Molly close, deepening the kiss, letting out another slight moan as her tongue tasted the coffee he’d had just on the outskirts of London. He moved his hips from side to side so Molly could feel the effect she was having on him. 

Molly looked up at Richard. His skin was flushed around the cheeks and upper chest. But what he noticed most was the certain, almost predatory look in her eyes and the fact she was giving him that look turned Richard on exponentially. “Why don’t you have a seat?” she murmured, her voice rippling with lust and power. He sat on the couch and she followed, kissing him yet again. “Lie back and relax,” she whispered into his ear. She took his earlobe between her lips and sucked on it, then flicked the tip of her tongue along his jawline. 

Richard felt every nerve ending in his body wake up, gasping as Molly alternated her lips and tongue to kiss and lick down his neck to the base of his throat. Richard reached to unbutton his navy blue shirt, but Molly placed her hands on top of his and shook her head. He put his hands down and Molly slowly unbuttoned the shirt, planting soft kisses as more skin was revealed. She opened the shirt and pushed the sides back, letting her hands run over his chest and down to his abs. Richard smiled at her and tried to control his breathing, but he felt as if his skin would jump on its own to meet her touch. Molly reached down and started teasing his nipples, causing an involuntary groan to escape. She glanced up to see his reaction. Richard’s eyes were closed, his face flushed, his mouth open, clearly feeling pleasure at what she was doing. 

Molly began kissing and licking down his stomach as she unbuckled the belt and his jeans. She looked up at Richard, half-expecting him to have lifted her up by now—he’d done that before—but this time he didn’t appear to be wanting to do that. She grinned, then unzipped his fly and let the tip of her fingers reach inside and stroke him. Richard jumped and gasped, his head falling back. “Oh God…” he hissed, his voice shaky. Molly got Richard to lift his hips so she could pull down his jeans and briefs, setting his cock free. She pulled her pants down to her ankles, then her hands began caressing up his legs, all over his thighs, deliberately ignoring the one place Richard desperately wanted her to touch. Starting at his navel, Molly started kissing back down, following his pleasure trail, taking Richard’s testicles into her mouth one by one and licking them softly. “Yeah…yeah…” he whispered, sighing with contentment. Molly licked up to the base of his shaft, all the way up to the sensitive head. She took it into her mouth and sucked softly while her hand began to stroke him. 

This produced a profound reaction. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned as his back arched. His hands found Molly’s head and he guided her as she licked and sucked him lovingly. With him in her mouth she groaned in enjoyment of his taste and the humming sent a shockwave through him. From that point Richard became extremely vocal with a series of groans, moaning and half-whispered, feverish words and obscenities as he became more delirious in his pleasure. 

Molly could hear his breathing change, becoming faster and more shallow. She glanced up in time to see him throw his head back and moan once more softly, followed by a violent shudder as he came. She swallowed fully, loving his taste, licking him clean, then slowly kissing her way back up his body as he calmed and came back to his senses. 

Molly lay next to Richard and embraced him. “Holy shit, Molly,” Richard panted. “That was amazing.” 

“Thank you,” she smiled. 

“But that couldn’t have given you much.”

She kissed the side of his head. “Who says?” Molly replied. “I have wanted to give that to you for a long time. I’m glad you didn’t stop me.” 

“I was too far gone,” he laughed, then turned serious, caressing Molly’s face, staring at her with his large brown eyes. “You are an amazing woman, Molly Sullivan. And I only get to have you for one more week.”

“Then let’s make this week count,” Molly answered. “Let’s spend this week enjoying each other, and try not to get sad, okay?” 

“First things first,” Richard replied. Almost on cue his stomach growled loudly, causing both of them to laugh. 

“I guess you would be hungry after all that activity,” Molly stated playfully. She got up. “Sit there and recover your strength, and I’ll make you breakfast.”

“What? Sit here with my shirt open and my pants around my ankles showing off my naughty bits?”

Molly reappeared from the kitchen. “I like the way you look,” she answered, giggling. “It’s not you’re going to be doing anything while I’m providing sustenance.”

Richard gave her a lopsided grin. “You _are_ a very naughty girl, aren’t you?”

Molly cocked an eyebrow. “After what I did you have to ask that?” She went back into the kitchen and made breakfast. 

***

From mid-morning on, the weather turned rough. Thundershowers and heavy rain lasted all day. It was perfect for wrapping up together on the couch. And that’s where Richard and Molly spent their day, Molly lying against him, between his legs, wrapped up and warm. “Remember the night of the storms, at the farm?” Richard asked. “You looked so wet and cold and miserable.” 

“I love when it rains hard,” she sighed. “The sound makes it nice to snuggle. But that night I simply wanted to get dry and warm.”

“I like the idea of snuggling better,” Richard answered. He kissed Molly’s forehead, then reached down under the quilt and let his fingers lightly brush her breast. Molly sighed with contentment and shifted slightly to give him better access.

“You know, rainy days are also good for something else,” Molly suggested. She reached up and give Richard a kiss. It was sweet and gentle and tender, and Richard returned it in equal measure. 

The kiss ended and Richard looked at Molly with dark, glowing eyes. “I’d like to take you into the bedroom,” he whispered, his voice warm and sexy. Molly nodded and got up, Richard getting up with her. Then he scooped her up into his arms and carried her there.

There was a gentle roll of thunder as Richard knelt on the bed and deposited Molly there, swiftly following with a deep kiss that had her tangling her hands in his hair. Richard unbuttoned his own shirt and pulled it off as Molly unbuckled his belt and jeans. He laid tender kisses down Molly’s neck, his fingers following, listening to Molly’s sighs and knowing how much she loved to be touched. Every move he made was tender and gentle, making sure to take his time, removing her blouse and replacing it with his hands on her breasts, manipulating her nipples until they stood firm. 

Finally naked, Richard stretched himself out on Molly and she stretched herself out underneath him. Then in a swift roll Molly found herself on top of him, staring down warmly into his dark eyes. Molly moved her hips and placed Richard inside her as he gasped with sudden pleasure and his hips raised up to meet hers. She thrust up and down slowly as Richard’s hands explored her body, her breathing changing. “God, so beautiful,” Richard whispered to her softly as waves of pleasure washed up from below and her eyes fluttered shut in response. Richard held Molly’s hips down as he trust up to meet her and she writhed against him, her moans more insistent and louder. “That’s it, come for me, love,” he panted as Molly’s hips bucked and he knew she was close. He looked at her in wonder as she came hard, her body shaking, her face glowing with ecstasy as he moaned loudly. Richard came soon after as the aftershocks of Molly’s climax continued to ripple through her body. She finally came to rest on top of Richard, both trying to catch their breath, hearts pounding. They spent the next little while kissing, not wanting to break contact with each other. 

Molly stared down at Richard, caressing his face with her fingers. “I love you, Richard,” she murmured softly. Richard looked into Molly’s eyes and smiled fully, at a loss for words.

Richard woke up alone in the bed. He and Molly made love all afternoon, had supper and watched movies until midnight, then fell asleep. But in his sleep Richard felt something was different and it woke him. He stumbled to the bathroom and returned a few minutes later. That’s when he saw her. Molly had curled up in her armchair and was sleeping. Richard sat on one of the arms of the chair and touched her face. “Come back to bed, love,” he whispered. 

Molly breathed deep but didn’t open her eyes. “I want to stay here,” she whispered back drowsily. 

Richard smiled. “But the bed is more comfortable,” he answered her. 

“Why can’t I stay?” she asked, still asleep.

Richard cocked his head. “Of course you can stay, if you want,” he replied. “I just thought lying with me in bed might be better for you.”

Molly opened her eyes but she didn’t look at Richard. “But you’ve made me real,” she said sadly. “Now I have to leave.” 

“No you don’t,” Richard argued. He watched as Molly started to fade. “Molly, no,” he started to panic. “Molly, what’s happening? I can’t feel your hand. Molly?”

Molly looked at him, heartbreak in her eyes; Richard could see through her. “You’ll be lost here,” she whispered, “here in the dark…” she faded out completely and dark silence fell.

“Molly?” Richard called to her. “Molly, come back…Molly?” But all he got was night and silence. “Molly? Where are you?” he called out. He started to feel the darkness and the silence close in around him. “Molly…please…” It covered him. “Molly!” 

“Are you alright, Richard?” Molly’s voice. Richard snapped awake, heart pounding, practically slamming his ribcage, gasping for air. Molly was next to him in bed. She placed a hand on his chest. “Wherever you were, you’re back now, and it’s safe,” she reassured him, using words she’d heard him say to her after one of her dreams.

Richard, lying on his back, covered Molly’s hand with his and squeezed it. “You’re here,” he panted. 

“Yes, I’m here.” She leaned up on one elbow so she could look at him. 

“Thank God,” he sighed and pulled her to him for a kiss. “You disappeared right in front of me. I couldn’t find you.” 

Molly grinned and ran her hands through Richard’s hair. “Well, I’m here now,” she said softly. She kissed him tenderly, then settled back down to go back to sleep. Just before drifting off, she noticed Richard had pulled her a little closer and was holding her tighter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the eve of leaving, Molly has an unexpected moment with James.

Since Molly had moved to the new flat she had not unpacked many of the belongings she had. So packing the things to be shipped back to American took only a day. The rest would be packed into suitcases and fly with Molly to New York. The first sobering taste of reality came when the drivers from the shipping company arrived to take the boxes and suddenly the flat looked and felt so much emptier. As the last box was taken Molly tried to not let the sadness invade, but there it was: she would be leaving people she adored. There was Andy and his ability to wrangle the inmates in the Top Gear asylum just long enough to put an episode together every week, even though he easily qualified as one of the inmates himself. There was Jeremy, full of bombast and bluster, painfully direct, a force of nature, but also exuberant, funny, an entertainer, and fiercely protective of those he cared about, which showed the true measure of his immense heart. James, a true Renaissance man, a genius, a hippie born ten years late, a man who hid away his emotions to all except those he trusted, a man Molly could and should and would have loved had he shown her there was a chance. And of course Richard, dear sweet Richard, the toughest of the three, curious, fearless until he wasn’t, a man of simple tastes who loved to paint, full of unbridled joy and unbridled anger in equal measure. 

She was leaving. They would be gone from her life, and that hurt inside. So as she watched the delivery company load the last box the tears formed and she sat on the couch and had a good cry. Then she dried her tears and got back to work. 

***

The next morning she was invited to James’ house for dinner, something she had not done in a long time, it seemed—not since she’d been released from the hospital. Even though she and James were constantly in touch with each other, spending time with each other at his house had been sacrificed to busy schedules, James’ relationship, and Molly’s need to not be dependent on everyone the way she’d been when Roger was pursuing her. And now there would be this final dinner together, with good wine, the classical radio station on in the background, and with James sitting down at the piano later to play her some Chopin. 

James swung by Molly’s flat after work to pick her up. She decided to dress in a peasant-style blouse and skirt, and as always her quartz pendant. “Molly, you look beautiful,” James purred when he saw her and his blue eyes glowed. “But you remember we’re having dinner at my house, don’t you?”

Molly nodded. “I remember,” she answered brightly. “But who says I can’t dress up for you?”

James paused and grinned slightly. “Nobody, I guess.” 

Molly smiled. “Okay then.”

***

James put dinner in the oven to bake as Molly poured two glasses of wine. “I love that you made me a shepherd’s pie,” Molly smiled at James. 

“I figure it will be one of your final tastes of true English food,” James replied as he took a sip of wine. “You can get shepherd’s pie in America, but it’s just not the same. And it’s hard to find a genuine English pub in New York City.”

“About as hard as finding a genuine American restaurant in London,” Molly agreed. “Especially one that serves genuine Southern food.” She took a drink. “I could probably find a Southern-type restaurant in New York City, but like you said it wouldn’t be the same. The water and air are different, therefore the food is different.”

James sighed and smiled. “I am going to miss this. Just having the chance to sit with you.” 

Molly nodded and looked down at the floor. “It got to me today,” she said softly. “The delivery company came and got the boxes to be shipped. And when they got the last box it hit me. Everything I’m giving up by leaving, losing all of you. And then I just lost it for a bit. I swore to myself I wouldn’t do that, and then I did.”

“You know, you can change your mind,” James said gently. “You haven’t left yet, so you still have your job with us.” 

“Thanks, James,” Molly grinned sadly. “But you know I can’t. The dreams, you know.”

“Yeah.” He polished off his glass of wine and poured another. “At least give me credit for trying to be more American and being hopeful, even in the face of bleak reality.”

Molly smirked. “I’ll give you credit for being more like Jeremy and being hopeful, even in the face of bleak reality,” she quipped. James laughed.

The shepherd’s pie turned out to be successful, and as James didn’t make a very large one, there was very little left over. Same for the wine, even though both started alternating with water to keep a bit more sober. They spent the time as they always had—talking, laughing, and enjoying the company of one another. 

James and Molly ended up at his piano, where he played for her. James always enjoyed playing for Molly, because she was one of the few of his friends who never got bored listening to him. On this night James played everything he could remember for her, and of course he played Chopin pieces, since Molly loved the touch he used in playing them. Molly sat next to him as he played, closing her eyes and letting the music wash over her. When James would finish a piece Molly would open her eyes and James would notice them glow, their blue-gray color rich and dark. 

“How about some Beethoven?” James offered, his voice soft and warm in Molly’s ear. She nodded. So he played the Moonlight Sonata, taking the rhythm slow. Molly listened to the way James caressed the notes he played, imagining him making love to the keyboard and wondering if this would be the way he’d make love to someone, period. 

James played the final chords of the song and Molly took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She found she’d turned herself around where she was sitting with her back to the piano and James had turned to her. She sighed deeply with satisfaction. “I like that,” she whispered, a slight grin appearing. “Thank you, James.”

“My pleasure,” James whispered as his fingers traced along her jawline. James tilted Molly’s face upward and his lips met hers. The kiss was slow and sweet, James’ fingers tracing along Molly’s face as one hand rested along her neck. He could feel Molly’s pulse quicken and James realized Molly wasn’t pulling away. 

The kiss ended and James expected Molly to start saying how it shouldn’t have happened, and be very upset over the whole situation. Instead she looked at James with an expression he could only describe as delighted surprise. “Oh…” she cooed and took a deep breath. 

James blinked. “Wow,” he whispered. Then his face became wistful. “If only I’d done that a lot sooner." 

“I know,” Molly gasped. “All this time we’ve not been together because…” she sighed. 

“I know,” James sighed in return. “And as much as I might want to take you into my bedroom and do things to you, I can’t do that. You love Richard and he loves you. But trust me, if you were staying I would eventually fight Hammond for you.” 

Molly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m leaving,” she finally said. “Because I can’t have you guys fighting over me.” She felt tears forming. “The three of you love each other more than you even think you do. I don’t want to be Yoko Ono and break up the Beatles, you know?”

James smiled. “The Beatles, huh? But that means one of us is Ringo.” He gave Molly a wink and she started laughing along with him. James gave her a hug and kissed the top of her head. “You are going to be missed, Yoko,” he said in her hair. 

***

Richard found himself in the dark, alone, running from room to room, calling Molly’s name. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t there. She was supposed to be there, it was the last place he had seen her. But it was now empty and silent and perpetually dark. 

He woke in his own bed, alone except for one of the dogs asleep at the foot. Inside he felt as if he were being torn to pieces. He had always had Molly as a dream, and he’d been convinced he could love her for just a little while and be content to let her go. But if he had indeed lost her in his dream world, then Molly’s leaving in a few days meant losing her completely. She wouldn’t just be the angel who’d received new wings and flown away. She would be gone, just gone. He didn’t know if he could deal with her being out in the world, somewhere, and unable to see her. 

“Oh, stop it Rich,” he said to himself. “You knew this had a limited shelf life. Now you’re lying here trying to rewrite the rules. Molly’s not some kind of angel, goddamn it, she’s a human being. A special human being who right now is trying to make herself whole again. If you truly love her, you asshole, you know what you have to do.” So Richard turned on the bedroom light, searched his dresser until he found his sketchbook, turned to a blank page, then grabbed a pen from the nightstand. Then he started to write. 

***

“Trust me, Molly,” James said gently to her. “This will help you feel better.” He placed a small plate of scrambled eggs and toast on the table along with a couple of Ibuprofen. 

“Why did I drink so much wine?” Molly groaned. 

“At least you and I had the good sense to drink plenty of water last night,” James reassured her. “Your hangover could have been so much worse.” 

“It’s bad enough,” she grumbled in reply. “Molly stared down at the food and swallowed the pills along with a sip of English Breakfast tea. “How are you not hung over?”

“Because,” James answered dispassionately, “I drink more than you on a regular basis. But don’t worry, I don’t hold that against you.” He grinned as she sat down with his own food and tea. “And you are one of the few adults I’ve ever met who is actually shorter than Hammond.” Both chuckled over the point. “Don’t worry, I don’t hold that against you, either.” They ate their breakfast in silence for a few minutes. James finally took a deep breath. “Molly,” he started tentatively. “About last night…” 

Molly started shaking her head emphatically as her eyes grew large. “James, please,” she replied, “don’t tell me you regret kissing me, or that it was a mistake. I don’t regret it."

James grinned. “I don’t regret it,” he said. “But I just wanted you to know that I didn’t want to complicate things. Your life is already complicated enough. I didn’t want anything to happen last night and later we put it down to being drunk, either.”

Molly gathered one of James’ hands into her own. “I wish my life wasn’t so complicated,” she told him. “Then again, I wish for a lot of things. I wish I didn’t have to leave for the new job. I wish Roger hadn’t come looking for me…” she paused. “I wish I could sleep most nights without dreaming he’s going to come back from the dead and kill everyone that I care about. But, what I wish more than anything is that you had given us a try.” 

James smiled. “Did you ever read 'Cyrano de Bergerac'?” he asked. Molly shook her head. “I had to read it in school,” he explained. “There’s a final scene between Cyrano and Roxanne, a woman he secretly loved all his life. He’s dying and his secret finally comes out, and Roxanne feels guilty that she’s unintentionally hurt him all those years. But he tells her at least this way he’d come to find something he never expected, yet just as wonderful, and that’s friendship with a woman. And that’s how I feel about you. I love you, but I found something with you which is just as satisfying, and that’s our friendship.” He stood up, pulling Molly up with him and wrapped her in his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A last party, and a last few days together for Richard and Molly.

Molly’s last official visit to the Top Gear office was a couple of days later. It started with an exit interview of sorts from Andy, but instead of boring questions like “What advice can you give us to help your replacement adjust more completely to their work environment?” or “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your interaction with your superiors and co-workers?” Andy sat his desk and grinned. “How are you?” he asked. 

“A bit sleepy,” he answered honestly. “Bad dream woke me up at 3:30 this morning and there was no sleeping after that.” 

“Which is why you’re leaving,” Andy acknowledged. 

“I wish I could stay,” Molly answered. “I love being here.” 

“I feel so guilty about that,” Andy sighed. “We slacked off and let that animal get to you. I still feel guilty over what happened to the Hamster, and even the accident report indicated what happened was unavoidable.” 

Molly sighed. “Andy, what happened with Roger was pretty much unavoidable, too,” she said to him. “At first, in the hospital, I was angry. I thought you guys had let me down, and then all of you came in and had already made plans for what I was going to do next, and I blamed everyone for what happened. But you didn’t bring Roger here and you didn’t make him try to kill me.” Molly took a breath. “And I don’t really want to go on with that statement because it’s just going to make me cry and I don’t want to do that today.”

“Fair enough,” Andy replied with a grin. “So has a place been found for you yet?”

Molly nodded. “It has, at least a temporary one until I find something permanent.”

“Good.” Andy paused a moment. “To let you know, Richard called earlier and he’s not going to make it in today. He’s still at the farm. He said he’d leave you an email, though.” 

“Okay,” Molly answered evenly, but inside she was crestfallen. Her last day in the office, her last days in England, and she’d hoped to spend as much time with Richard as possible. She knew he had to do some work on the farm, but she still felt disappointed. 

“I guess that’s it,” Andy said with a shrug of his shoulders. He stood up and offered his hand, which she took. “Molly Sullivan, it has been a singular honor for me to have been here with you.”

Richard had indeed emailed Molly an extensive list of items to take care of on her last office day, so she ended up being very busy. She had hoped Jeremy or James would have at least stopped by her des, but Jeremy had gone to Dunsfold Park to test a car and James was locked in his office writing. Other than Andy’s exit interview, this was shaping up to be an ordinary day. Molly felt slightly disappointed, especially after the effort they went to for her birthday. This was the day she was leaving the Top Gear office forever, and everyone was busy, and Richard couldn’t even show up. 

As Molly completed each thing on Richard’s ‘to do’ list she’d pause and take a look around. The bonding moments with James and Jeremy that took place at her desk, were lovely to remember, but it was staring at the door to Richard’s office that brought the most enduring memory, that of their first kiss. It was all there: the rising heat and tension, the glow of Richard’s dark eyes, warm and inviting, the lightest touch of his fingers on her pendant, the soft tenderness of his lips as he leaned in to the kiss. Molly would sigh, then would get back to work. 

Finally, Molly finished everything on the list. While she was ready to turn everything off and go home, Molly made sure to check email one final time, as Richard oftentimes would ask for things last minute.   
The request was simple: 

_Molly, Jezza should be back any minute from Dunsfold Park. Please leave a note on his door to meet me at 9. Thanks._

Molly wrote the note, walked down the corridor to Jeremy’s office and stuck it on the door. At that moment James turned off the light in his office and walked out. “Molly!” he announced in surprise. “I would’ve thought you’d be gone by now.”

“I had a lot to do today,” she answered. “Apparently you did, too.”

“Had some writing to do,” James replied. “And of course, I got stuck. But I carried on and got it done, and now I’m going home.” He paused. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to make this a big day for you. It just turned out we were all incredibly busy today. I should have at least come over for a chat, or at least taken you out for lunch.” Another pause. “How about a quick bite to eat, and I’ll help you come back and clean out your desk?”

Molly shrugged. “That sounds good to me,” she said. “Come with me to my desk so I can get my purse and we’ll go.”

They walked back down the hallway until they got to the main work area. “Damn,” James muttered. “Molly, I left my car keys,” he said. I’ll be right back.” He jogged back down the hallway before Molly could say anything. Suddenly the lights in the work area came up, people stood up from their hiding places, and there was a shout of Surprise! Molly looked around in shock—everyone was there. 

“Okay, this is the reason I told everyone we were working late tonight,” Andy announced. Everyone laughed. “Come on over, Molly.” Molly started to protest, but Andy was ready for her. “James, Richard, please assist the assistant.”  
“I thought you were in Wales,” Molly said as Richard ran up to her. 

“I was,” Richard answered simply. “I’ve been hiding in Wilman’s office for the past few hours. I’ve been trying to think of more things for you to do in case you finished early.” Richard took one of Molly’s arms while James grabbed the other and marched her to Andy.

“Now that we have you here, I can continue,” Andy laughed. “For anyone here who doesn’t know the situation and why some of us have been so ill-tempered lately, our touchstone for just about all things American, and particularly the land of Scarlett O’Hara and “Deliverance” is leaving and going back to America.”

“Or Hammond’s house!” Jeremy bellowed. Laughter and applause erupted at the jab.

“Molly’s been a good sport in the face of what had to be some of the dumbest questions ever posed by otherwise intelligent people,” Andy continued. “But somewhere in all this endless stupidity on top of her regular job around here, she’s become very special to some of us. And I hope she knows we’re gonna miss her like hell.” General applause. “So let’s get the party started and we can send her back to the land of NASCAR in style.”

There was plenty of fine food, and fine drink and karaoke for entertainment. At first Molly was a bit dubious, wondering how many would actually sing, but she was shocked at how popular it turned out, even among the stars of the show. Of course, as more drinks were consumed the bolder everyone became and the more they wanted to sing. 

“Hello, Molly,” Jeremy announced, carrying a glass of champagne that he handed to her. “How do you like your surprise?” 

“I love it,” she giggled. 

“It was my idea, the party,” he told her. “But Wilman came up with the idea of making you think we were all too busy today. I hope that it didn’t upset you too much.” 

“All is forgiven,” she smiled at him. “Besides, Richard loaded me down with enough real work today so I didn’t have enough time to get really angry.”

“I have a present for you,” he offered, “something to read on the plane.” 

Molly laughed hard. “It’s an English to American dictionary!”

“You’ve been here long enough where I thought you might have trouble with your native language,” Jeremy quipped. 

“I’m going to be living in New York, I can definitely use this,” Molly giggled. “Thank you, Mr. Clarkson.”

“Formal,” he replied with a raise of his eyebrows. “Things are just not going to be the same without you, Molly.”

“I have to admit, it’s not going to be the same without hearing you bellow around the office,” Molly said. “Will you promise to call me once in a while with an ‘Oh, for God’s sake!’?”

Jeremy laughed. “For you? Yes.” He gave her a hug, then picked her up and spun her around. “No more sadness,” he said. “This is supposed to be a party.” 

With the party in full swing, Molly found time to sneak away a few minutes to clean out her desk, figuring that later she may be a bit impaired. There wasn’t much to pack—some photos, a tea mug, a water bottle, a stress ball—but each item held a ton of memories.

“There you are!” James announced.

Molly looked up and grinned, holding up the ball. “This helped me get through the first few months,” she said softly. “That and you.”

“You were so out of place,” James agreed. “You missed home. If anyone needed a friend, you certainly did back then. I’m glad you found all of us.” He handed Molly a disc in a jewel case. “My present to you.”  
Molly smiled. “What is this?”

James grinned shyly. “It’s me,” he said. “I decided to play all your favorite Chopin pieces and recorded them. And I added a piece of music that reminds me of you whenever I hear it.” 

Molly looked up at him in wonder and smiled. “Thank you, James,” she whispered. “From the bottom of this,” she added, holding up her pink quartz heart. She and James hugged, then shared the most tender of kisses on the lips.

Richard, looking for Molly, came upon her and James at that moment. They did not see him. As he silently watched there was a moment where jealousy tore at him. He wanted to run up and pull James away from Molly, punch him in the face for making a move on her, going behind his mate’s back. But as the kiss ended Richard saw the affection in James’ face, and it made him wonder if James and Molly had ended up together how different things might have been. Would James have been able to keep Roger from shooting Molly? Would he have been able to keep Molly’s nightmares from getting worse? Would he have convinced Molly to stay?  
From somewhere in his memory he flashed on the dream where Molly told him that by making her real, he risked sharing her with others. Seeing this moment, the look of love on James’ face, figuring he probably looked at Molly the same way, made that dream statement come true for Richard. He made sure to hang back until Molly and James had released each other. “Are you sneaking out early, Molly?” he asked nonchalantly.

“No,” Molly answered. “I just wanted to get this done while I’m reasonably sober.”

“I’m glad,” Richard answered. “Because Jezza’s going to sing ‘Delilah’ on the karaoke.” 

“That should be a disaster of epic proportions,” James replied dryly. 

“Maybe I need to make a run for the elevator,” Molly answered. She started to run, but James grabbed her hand and stopped her. 

“Come on, Hammond,” James called. “Grab her other hand and we’ll lead her back to the party.” With a laugh Richard ran up and seized her other hand, then they half-carried Molly back to the celebration.  
“Delilah” turned out to be the classic _ambitious but rubbish_ scenario of Top Gear, complete with Jeremy moving his hips like Tom Jones. The half-drunk crowd loved the performance, and gave him a rousing ovation.   
Richard had been away from Molly for days, both of them needing to attend to their own personal business. During the party he was able to observe her—her graceful movement, the way her eyes would look onto others speaking to her, giving them her full attention, the laugh he could hear across the room and how her entire body would become involved when she’d unleash it. Richard’s mind ping-ponged madly between animal desire for her—to simply grab her, take her into his office, lock the door, and have his way with her—and pure emotional communion with his semi-angelic spiritual presence. He questioned what he’d done that was so great he was rewarded with having her in his life, however briefly. It couldn’t have been simply running cars really fast and acting like an idiot on television. It had to be more, but what exactly it was he didn’t know. Molly turned and smiled at him and once again that internal connection was made, but now with a tinge of sadness. It would only be for a few more days and then she would leave, possibly to never see her again and the connection would be lost. She was already gone in his dreams. Molly felt that sadness too, he could see it and feel it, hearing the ticking of that internal clock. The hours were growing short, and Richard and Molly wanted to spend them together. 

In a couple of hours the party was over—the food eaten, everyone having fun with the karaoke, Molly having said her goodbyes to a thoroughly drunk bunch of partygoers. “I suppose we’ll need to take a taxi,” Molly suggested. “Not a good idea for driving after this party.” 

“No,” Richard agreed and chuckled . “My bet is a lot have already left their cars in the car park. It’s going to look in the morning like we’ve had an all-night shift.”

“I do have coffee, if needed,” Molly offered as she grabbed her purse and the bag containing her desk contents. 

“We’ll see,” Richard answered. One look into his eyes would show he was pretty hammered, but Molly was feeling pretty hammered herself, so she didn’t have much room to complain.

Richard pressed the button for the elevator and waited with Molly. She was tempted to reach over and squeeze his ask cheek, but one of the first warning she was given—by just about everyone, really—was there were security cameras in the elevator and around the elevator area. Discreet behavior was strongly encouraged because nobody knew might see it.

Of course that didn’t mean there were microphones present, so Molly decided to take advantage of that. “You know, I missed having you next to me the past few days,” she mentioned nonchalantly. 

“I missed you too,” Richard answered. “I was constantly distracted by thoughts of you.” 

“Pleasant thoughts, I hope?” There was an amused, wry expression on her face Richard found very sexy.

“Very pleasant,” Richard smiled. “Also quite naughty. But that look on your face tells me you’ve had a few naughty thoughts, too.” 

“Well, as you said before, I am a very naughty girl,” Molly grinned. 

The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. “So where would your naughty thoughts take you if there was no camera in this elevator?” Richard whispered in Molly’s ear. His hot breath in her ear caused Molly to shiver.   
Out of the corner of her eye Molly could see the triumphant look on Richard’s face. Okay, she thought, if he wants to play this way, he’ll get an answer he won’t forget. “I’d stop the elevator first,” she said to him with a smile. “Then I’d back you into the corner and slowly go down on you.” She could hear a grown low in Richard’s throat, which was enough to make her point, but she was playing to win on this game. “I’d wrap my tongue around your cock before taking you into my mouth,” she continued. “Then as I was sucking you I’d grab your ass and pull you close so that you would be in my mouth all the way.”

Richard gasped. “Holy shit, Molly,” was all he could manage to get out. Molly decided to go for the kill. 

“I’d bring you to the point where you’re about to come,” she continued. “Then I’ll stop. And just when you’re about to beg me to continue, I’ll stand up and let you take me from behind. If there wasn’t a camera, in fact, right now I’d show you that I’m not wearing any underwear.” At that moment the elevator doors opened. Molly walked out of the elevator and smiled to herself as she realized Richard had to take a moment to make his legs work again.

It took Richard having to jog several steps to catch up with her. "You just wait,” he said to Molly, once again his hot breath in her ear. ‘I’ll make you pay for that, naughty girl.”

***

They decided to take separate taxis to avoid what looked like a paparazzi lurking just outside the BBC entrance. Whey the photographer was there molly wasn’t sure—whether he was there to get pictures of various presenters or a tip there was a drunken party among the Top Gear group. Molly and Richard both knew pictures of them together in anything but an innocent setting would raise too many questions among the wrong people.   
Molly made it to her flat first, and she had time to put some coffee on. Then she removed her panties. Richard is certainly going to get a surprise, she thought mischievously. Then she sat down and her own cup of coffee while she waited. 

20 minutes later Richard knocked on the door. “Sorry I had the taxi let me out a couple of blocks away,” he said. 

Molly felt Richard’s hands, which were cold. “I guess the wind’s picking up outside,” she said to him. 

Richard nodded. “It’s getting chilly,” he answered. “Sobered me up, but I’d really love some coffee to help get me warm.” 

Molly handed him a cup, but she grinned at him wickedly. “Coffee will help, but I know other things that can get you warm,’ she purred. 

Richard laughed. ‘You are certainly in a playful mood!” he replied, his dark eyes glowing. “You know I have a thing for feisty women.” 

“Do you now?” Molly asked, her voice dropping low.

“You know I do,” he answered, his voice barely above a whisper. Richard placed his hands on Molly’s waist and pulled her to him. She could feel his erection pressing through his jeans. He reached down and kissed her hungrily, his tongue fluttering in her mouth, setting her on fire inside, as if she needed to be turned on more than she already was. Molly’s hands wandered down Richard’s back as they continued to kiss one another until her hands came to rest on his arse, which she squeezed as his hands found hers and squeezed. 

As Richard felt Molly’s form through her skirt he broke their kiss in surprise. “Oh my God,” he whispered. 

“What?” Molly asked innocently and smiled. 

“You weren’t kidding,” he answered, his voice low. “You’re not wearing underwear. Were you not wearing any at the party?” 

“Perhaps,” Molly whispered and kissed Richard again. “Richard’s mind raced with images of Molly at the party earlier wearing just her skirt with nothing underneath and it turned him on. 

Molly unbuttoned Richard’s shirt as he pulled off her top. Their movements were rushed and ungraceful, both wanting the other too much to make a pretense of anything like romance and gentle seduction. Molly unhooked her bra and removed it as Richard bent down and suckled her nipples, Molly moaning loudly as the electric shock of his touch there coursed through her, her hands tangling in his hair, his hands on the small of her back.   
As Richard stood up, Molly immediately unbuttoned his jeans, pulled down the zipper and reached inside, stroking him. Richard moaned as he pulled Molly to him and kissed her hard. He backed her up to the wall as he got his jeans and briefs down. He was now beyond control of himself—this wasn’t going to be some slow, gentle lovemaking in bed. This was going to be a down and dirty, full-scale, hardcore fucking. 

Richard entered Molly easily, her heat and wetness telling him she was more than ready. He thrust forcefully, using the wall as a brace, his hands holding Molly at the hips, her hands on his shoulders. There were no words, only sounds, increasingly animal in nature. Their intense efforts had them both sweating. When Molly came, her cries came out rough and growling, her body shuddering violently. Richard came immediately after Molly, his cries matching hers. Both sank to the floor as the strength left, Richard pulling Molly to rest on top of him as they caught their breath. 

“Wow,” Molly panted. Her head was resting on Richard’s sweaty chest and could hear his heart thundering inside. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done that.” 

“What, just go at it like we just did?” Richard asked. 

“Yeah,” Molly answered. “Remember, I haven’t had many opportunities.” 

Richard nodded. “You’re very good at it,” he replied. “There are times when someone needs love, times when someone needs to get laid, and times when someone needs to have sweaty animal sex against the wall.” Both of them laughed.

“I think we both need a shower,” Molly finally said, giving Richard a gentle kiss. “Join me?”

“Gladly,” Richard smiled. 

As frenzied, physical, and quick this session had been against the wall, Molly and Richard’s shower was the opposite. They spent their time slowly exploring each other’s bodies, touching and caressing, their kisses soft and full. When they dried off and got into the bed they lay facing each other. Richard traced Molly’s jawline with one finger and whispered softly, “I love you, Molly.”

Molly placed her hand over Richard’s fingers and held him there. “I love you,” she whispered back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard gives Molly one last memory, then they say goodbye

Molly woke up just before dawn to the sound of Richard throwing up in the bathroom. While she didn’t feel sick, the pounding behind her eyes told her they were both suffering a good hangover. Molly padded to the kitchen and took some ibuprofen, then tiptoed back to the bathroom. But now she could hear the sink running and the sound of him brushing his teeth. 

“Rich,” Molly whispered, knocking on the door as softly as possible. She opened the door partially and reached a hand in, holding the bottle of ibuprofen. Molly felt him grab the bottle. Then she stumbled back to the living room and lay on the couch. 

She must have fallen asleep again, because the next Molly recalled was the feeling of Richard’s soft lips kissing her temple. “What are you doing out here, love?” he asked gently. 

“Waiting to brush my teeth,” Molly answered, opening her eyes. Once again, Richard was surprised by the clear, limitless color of her eyes and the softness of her face. 

“Well, go brush your teeth and get dressed,” he grinned. We have to go get my car. There is something I’d like to show you.” 

Molly dressed quickly in jeans and shirt and was ready before Richard has a chance to complain. They quickly caught a taxi to the BBC and picked up Richard’s Porsche in the garage. Molly giggled at the sight of so many cars still there from the party. “It appears everyone’s getting a late start,” she said.

“It was a pretty good party,” Richard chuckled. “Get in. I’m going to show you what a proper car can do.” 

They drove out of London into the countryside. Molly loved the feel of the Porsche around her, and Richard loved the glow in Molly’s eyes when he would unleash the power of the car’s engine. On top of the adrenaline rush of the Porsche it was a glorious day weather-wise. Molly wondered where Richard was taking her and what he wanted to show her that involved driving her so far out of London, but when she’d ask, he would simply tell her to be patient, she would see it soon. 

Richard drove awhile longer, then he suddenly said, “For this next part, you have to close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you to open them.” Molly complied with this request and shut her eyes dutifully. She felt the car turn and heard Richard put down his window and punch in a code, then she heard gates unlocking.

“Where are we?” Molly asked, her eyes still closed. 

“A friend of mine is letting me borrow their new Range Rover to take you to the airport and to pick up Mindy and the girls,” Richard answered. “He’s in Scotland for the weekend. Keep your eyes closed.” They drove on for a few more minutes, Molly still unable to see where she was. The car stopped again. “Eyes still closed?” Richard asked. “Yes, good. I’m getting out, keep your eyes closed and I’ll lead you.”  
Richard held Molly’s hand as he helped her out of the car. She was tempted to peek, at least look down to the ground until Richard led her where he wanted. But apparently he really wanted to surprise her with something, and Molly didn’t want to disappoint him, so she trusted him to not allow her to trip over her own feet. They walked for several minutes, then they stopped. Molly felt Richard turn her to the right position. “Now, open your eyes,” he whispered just behind her, his breath on her neck causing her to shiver. 

What Molly saw when she opened her eyes was a vast expanse of green hills. Trees were a part of the landscape, but most of the scene were fields of emerald beneath a brilliant blue sky dotted with large white clouds. The sun hitting the clouds shaded parts of the land and allowed other parts to flare brightly. Since Molly’s eyes had been shut for so long, the vision burned itself into her memory for its intense colors and sharpness. “Oh…it’s so beautiful,” she whispered in awe. 

“When New York gets to be too big for you,” Richard whispered tenderly, “I want you to remember this scene.” Molly turned to face Richard and he cupped her face in his hands, tracing her cheeks with his thumbs. He kissed her, taking his time, letting Molly experience everything he meant for her to feel in it. When Molly pulled back what she saw in Richard’s eyes was pure emotion, his unspoken plea for her to look into his eyes and see who he was and realize it was for her. If Molly had ever any question of the way Richard felt toward her, there was no doubt in that moment. 

They drove back to London in the range Rover, Molly looking out the window thoughtfully. She wondered to herself once again how things could have gotten so complicated, how she’d found a man who would never intentionally hurt her, only to be forced to give hi up—whether by leaving for another country or being forced to send him back to his family. 

“You’ve gone quiet,” Richard offered gently. “What are you thinking?”

Molly sighed. “About a lot of things,” she answered. “Memories, mostly.” A faint grin appeared. “Memories I’ve had of you.” 

“Perhaps over time your memories of me won’t be so nice,” Richard stated evenly. 

“Or perhaps,” Molly countered, “the memories will grow even richer in love.” She smiled. “You’ve given me so many wonderful memories, today not the least.” 

“Today isn’t over yet,” Richard replied, a confident tone in his voice. “How are you feeling? Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Molly acknowledged. “Do you know of any place to eat around here?”

“Amazingly, yes,” Richard answered. A few minutes later they were pulling up to a pair of buildings. One contained a pub, located adjoining an inn. The pub isn’t open yet,” Richard said to her, “but the inn has lunch.” 

“How do you know of this place?” Molly asked. 

Richard chuckled sheepishly. “I come drinking here with the friend who owns this Range Rover sometimes,” he answered. “And then I have to spend the night at the inn. They know me here.” Molly took that to mean both of them needed to be on their best behavior to avoid any questions. Indeed at lunch their conversation stuck to work and the new job. A couple of employees of the inn came over to say hello and asked if he needed a room for the night, but he refused and explained it was a working lunch, not a drinking lunch. When they left they made a point to keep a distance from each other. But once down the road Richard reached over and grabbed molly’s hand and held it affectionately. 

Back at Molly’s flat, their last night together as lovers, Molly and Richard took their time with each other, each touch, kiss and caress taken to length and full of meaning. They were saying goodbye to each other in this way forever and they both knew it—there would be no sneaking off to America for a couple of days, no secret meeting in a hotel in London, no late-night phone sex. This chapter of their lives would be over and nothing more than a memory. When they came, it happened together and when they looked into each other’s eyes they saw love staring back at them. And for the final time, they stared into the other’s soul and connected. 

***

The next morning Molly finished packing, made a final check of the flat, and as she left with Richard she dropped the key in the manager’s box. 

On the way to Heathrow Molly decided to turn on the radio for one last listen of the BBC. The song that came on was “Pictures of You” by the Cure, and Richard smiled himself, knowing it was the right song at the right time, and it would always be his personal memory of her. 

They pulled into parking and Richard turned off the car, then took Molly’s hand. “Here you are, and in plenty of time,” he said. “When you weren’t looking I put something in your purse to read. Please wait until you’ve taken off, though. I had a sleepless night and wrote it.”

Molly nodded. “I guess this is really it,” she sighed. “I’m really going home.”

“Yeah,” Richard answered, his smile sad. “you’re really going home.” He kissed her hand. “Come on.” They got out of the car and grabbed her luggage. Richard and Molly stared at each other a moment, and both saw the other looked ready to break down, so they hugged each other hard and stood holding each other in a tight embrace. 

“Oh Rich,” Molly whispered. 

“It’s okay, Molly,” he whispered back, his face buried in her neck. 

Oh God, I love you.”

“I love you, too, Molly Sullivan.”

Molly took a step back and looked at Richard evenly. “We’ll probably never see each other again,” she shook her head. “We’ll send each other a few emails and maybe a phone call to say hello at Christmastime. But in reality we’re ending completely, aren’t we?”

Richard stared at her, his brown eyes large and sad. “I don’t want to,” he told her. “But…yeah, probably.” He stepped back toward her and kissed her forehead. “Go get strong again, Molly,” he said tenderly. “Then when you’re strong again, find love. Find good love, the kind that makes you stronger. I can’t be the only one out there for you, you know?”

Richard walked with Molly to the terminal and helped check her baggage, then walked with her to just outside the security area. They took one last look at each other, then Molly turned and walked in. Richard stared after her until she was out of sight, then went to find a place to wait. A couple of hours later he greeted Mindy and his daughters, along with his mother-in-law, and his old life resumed. 

***

Molly’s flight was well over the Atlantic when she reached into her purse and pulled out Richard’s message. 

_My dearest Molly—_  
 _By now you are on your way home to America. As much as we Brits make fun of Americans (sometimes myself included), what we see there is hope—sometimes foolish hope—but all the same, hope that anyone or anything can get better. And so I’m going to show my closet Americanness and say I have hope in your going back that you will find the healing you need. Once you’re strong again you’ll have a whole continent of men who will treasure you as I do. I love you, and had I been single I would be begging you to marry me and be with me the rest of my life. But I wasn’t single and I can’t deny my love for the one who held my heart before you and holds me still in hers. The chances you and I will be together again don’t exist, but in some ways this is good. It allows us to look at our time with each other the past few weeks as special and pure, and it will always stay that way in my soul and in my dreams._

_I wish you good luck on your job in New York with BBC America. They’re getting someone in you of high quality. But don’t forget to leave the city and spend time in the country. It is the source of your strength, country girl, as the countryside in Wales is the source of mine._

_One final wish—that when your strength is back and you know you’ll be alright, find a way to let me know. Take care._  
_All my love,_  
_Rich._


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who read. Hopefully you'll get more soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not completely happy with this epilogue, but I guess it will have to do.

Richard, James, and Jeremy stood at a rest area. The plan had been to drive the Blue Ridge Parkway in their favorite cars. Jeremy had brought a Mercedes SLS, Richard a Porsche 911 GT3 RS, and James a Ferrari 458 Italia. But the speed limits had made it impossible to really work out the cars’ quality, much less have any semblance of fun or anything worthy of broadcast. On top of the frustration with the highway, all three were on edge, especially Richard.

Months. It had been a number of months since Molly left for New York. She had sent Richard a few emails about adjusting to her new job, on how her therapy was going. But that had been at the beginning, and it had all stopped. James, Jeremy, and Andy had heard nothing from her, either. Worse, the lovely dreams Richard had once experienced of Molly had never returned. The nights he’d dream of trying to find her would find him alone in the dark, always alone in the dark. During one dream he’d broken down in his despair, and the next morning Mindy told him he’d muttered, “So alone…so alone…” in his sleep. Richard had lied and told her he didn’t remember what he dreamt. He felt it would be a better explanation than the truth. 

So there was Richard at the rest area, along with his mates, feeling twitchy and distracted, wondering if Molly was okay or if she was even alive at all. James and Jeremy were feeling equally nervous, trying to support him, at the same time feeling the lack of Molly’s presence in her own country. Then again, Jeremy thought, America is such a big country, it would be easy for anyone to hide here. But still, as he recalled, where they were was Molly’s  
region, and if her presence would be felt anywhere, it would be here. 

Richard turned and looked to the west, towards rolling hills. It was pretty and lush and green. Then he looked eastward, where the lush hills and mountains were dappled with sunlight. He was transfixed by the sight. “Look at this,” he said to James and Jeremy. “See how beautiful this is!” In a moment they walked over to Richard and looked. None of them spoke, but like Richard, Jeremy and James were held by the sight. And not just by sight: something invisible, something spiritual, made none of them turn away. Then a breeze blew, warm and soft, and on the wind Richard thought he could hear ringing notes of music, the song he’d heard for so long in her presence  
.   
Jeremy blinked and stirred like someone waking up from unexpected sleep. He took a deep breath. “Guys,” he said, “why do I suddenly feel like everything is going to be alright?”

Richard and James both blurted out “Molly” at the same time. 

Jeremy shook his head. “is that even possible?” he asked. 

“I have no idea why I’m going to say this, but yes,” James answered. 

Meanwhile, Richard had stepped away from them, still peering into the distance. Inside he felt as if an enormous millstone had been lifted off him. Molly was till out there in the world and she was happy, he could feel it.   
His thoughts were broken by Jeremy’s bellow: “Hammond! We’re ready for the next segment!” Richard sighed happily and joined his mates. 

That night in the motor lodge in Virginia, Richard slept soundly. And he dreamt of the light and the music, and of an angelic being with black hair and blue-gray eyes. And he was with her and he loved her. When he awoke he figured the itinerary in his head. Tomorrow they would be in New York. 

Molly would be there. 

For the first time in months Richard felt something to his very core. 

He felt hope. 

THE END


End file.
